Grif.Net

According to a new report, the average Canadian is now richer than the average American. This is GOOD news for Canadians, BAD news for Americans and WORSE news for those Mexicans who now have to tunnel all the way to Canada. ~~ Dr Bob Griffin [email protected] www.grif.net “Jesus Knows Me,…

[I get tired of listening to people whining and then replying with the trite “Do you want cheese with your whine?” Here are some other snappy comebacks I’m working on.] I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce. I see you’ve set aside this…

[Written by a widow of the 9.11 Islamic sneak attack on the US in New York and Washington DC, I thought this fitting to share today. Not humor, nor meant to be. 9.11 will never just be “another” September day.] IF I KNEW If I knew it would be the…

[More suggestions for better quality puns and word plays to replace my usual fare. Not sure any of these are “better”, but here goes . . ] I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble. I tried to…

A young man once asked God how long a million years was to Him. God replied, “A million years to Me is just like a single second in your time.” Then the young man asked God what a million dollars was to Him. God replied, “A million dollars to Me…

[Yesterday we shared some of the conversations between Ms Nelson the first grade teacher and little Jacob. More excerpts today] Ms Nelson: “Jacob, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.” Jacob: “Me!” ~~ Ms Nelson: “Jacob, why do you always get so dirty?” Jacob: “Well,…

After a rough first week in school, little first grader Jacob came up to Mrs. Nelson and surprised his teacher by tapping her on the shoulder and saying, “I don’t want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don’t get better grades on my tests next week, somebody…

LB in Mississippi forwarded some thoughts on aging. (Unlike me, he IS old). ~Today is the oldest I’ve ever been, yet the youngest I’ll ever be. ~Your kids are becoming you … but your grandchildren are perfect! ~Going OUT is good. Coming HOME is better! ~You forget names … But…

Just got back from Southern California. Heard about a police officer who stopped a gal for speeding on the 405 (evidently that DOES rarely happen) and asked her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys could get your act together.…

‘We’ve lost too much to the Indian princess at that card game,’ declared Capt. John Smith of Jamestown. ‘We should try to win at other games, but we can’t let poker haunt us.’ ~~ Dr Bob Griffin [email protected] www.grif.net “Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

The armies of Israel looked at the giant Goliath through the eyes of man and said, “He’s too big to beat.” David looked at him through the eyes of God and said, “He’s too big to miss.” ~~ Dr Bob Griffin [email protected] www.grif.net “Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

Here is some sanguine ‘advice to live by’ from my yoda-like years of experience. Remember, you heard it here: If at first you don’t succeed, try the outfield. Silence is golden, duct tape is silver. Therapy is expensive. Bubble wrap is cheap. You choose. The cost of living hasn’t affected…

[Terry shared this on FB and I blatantly stole it. Trusting it was not biographical.] The wife was screaming at her Husband: “Leave! Get out of this house!” she ordered. As he was walking out the door she added, “And I hope you die a slow and painful death!” He…