Grif.Net

Q: Heard about the huge oil spill off the East Co= ast? A: They’ve hired the Yankees to= help clean it up. They’ll just go out there and throw in the towel. =   Q: What is the difference between Yankee fans and dentists? A: One roots for the yanks,…

A family was camping out in northern Wisconsin and w= hile sitting around the campfire, they were being swarmed by mosquitos. Dad= explained to his daughter that they would use repellant on themselves and = a spray that would keep these pesky insects at bay. After a few minu= tes…

[Reading back through old grif.net blogs and laughed= again at these] “A friend suggested I put horse manure on my = strawberries, so I tried it. Didn’t like it. Going back to whipped cr= eam.”   “It is difficult to find a friend that is cute, loving,= generous, sexy, caring,…

Two robins were = sitting in a tree. "I’m really hungry", said the first one. &q= uot;Me, too," said the second. "Let’s fly down and find some lunc= h."   They flew to the ground and found a nice plot of plo= wed ground full of worms. They ate and…

[This is a repeat from 25 years ago grif net (August 2001). = It was on a Monday when I couldn’t come up with anything else. Like t= oday.] Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on tho= se little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian…

My wife shared that August 5th was her &#= 8220;spiritual birthday”. In 1957 she trusted Christ alone for salvat= ion, rejecting the works of church rituals, turning from sin in genuine rep= entance, and submitting to Him as Lord and Savior. I remember one o= f the first times I…

What’s the difference between an all-you-can-e= at restaurant and dinner at grandma’s house? At the restaurant, you get to decide when you= ’ve had enough   How do you make anti-freeze? Take away her blanket.   My Uncle used to say, “When one= door closes, another opens.” He w= as a decent…

My brother is my partner in crime. Until we get caught, then he did it!   My twin brother ca= lled me from prison the other day. He sa= id, “Hey, do you remember when we used to finish each other’s s= entences?”   What did Darwin’s son tell his…

My dad always taught me to share my toys with my sib= lings. It wasn’t that he wanted me= to develop social skills, it’s because he was a cheapskate that want= ed to spend 50% less money on toys.   Boy: “Dad, can you explain a so= lar eclipse to…

[Starting a  week of “family humor”= , with Mom, of course.] Good moms let you lick the beaters. Great moms turn them off first.   I asked my mom= what I could get her for Mother’s Day. She said she’d really like a doctor for a son-in-law.   Why is…

DID YOU HEAR …   About the lady who s= aw a sign at the movies that said 50 cents for servicemen? She paid $5.00 and asked for six paratroopers and fou= r marines.   About the soldier who came to his chaplain and wanted to= get something off his…

[Teaching philosophy at Casper College in 2001, I= shared sone definitions with my class. They smile politely]   Arbit= rator \ar’-bi-tray-ter\: A cook that= leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s.   Avoidable \uh-voy’-duh-buhl\= : What a matador tries to do.   Baloney \buh-lo’-nee\: Where some= hemlines fall.   Bernadette \burn’-a-det\:…

[In a= survey, these were selected as the “best” one-liner jokes.&nbs= p; You judge which you would give the blue ribbon to.] &= nbsp; I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She lo= oked surprised. I childproofed my house, but somehow they still get = in.…