Grif.Net

[Teaching philosophy at Casper College in 2001, I= shared sone definitions with my class. They smile politely]   Arbit= rator \ar’-bi-tray-ter\: A cook that= leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s.   Avoidable \uh-voy’-duh-buhl\= : What a matador tries to do.   Baloney \buh-lo’-nee\: Where some= hemlines fall.   Bernadette \burn’-a-det\:…

[In a= survey, these were selected as the “best” one-liner jokes.&nbs= p; You judge which you would give the blue ribbon to.] &= nbsp; I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She lo= oked surprised. I childproofed my house, but somehow they still get = in.…

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center= , where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially= their GI insurance.   It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed th= at Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insura= nce to nearly 100% of the recruits he…

[These attempts at humor would make a ten-year-old laugh, for s= ure]   D= o pigs ever go crazy? Maybe, Granddad said h= e had one that went hog wild.   What did ET say to the pitcher of water? Take me to your liter.   How do trees access…

What do these taxes have in common?   Accou= nts Receivable Tax Building Permit Ta= x CDL License Tax Cigarette Tax Corp= orate Income Tax Dog License Tax= Federal Income Tax Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA) Fishing License Tax Food L= icense Tax Fuel Permit Tax= Gasoline Tax Hunting License Tax…

  Keep your eyes wide= open before marriage and half-shut afterwards. ~ Benjamin Franklin   If eve= rything seems under control, you’re not going fast enough. ~ Mario Andretti=   A committee is twelve men doing the work of one. ~ John F. Kennedy   I dou= bt whether the…

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetar= ian because I hate plants. ~ A. Whitney Brown   The only reason for time is s= o that everything doesn’t happen at once. ~ Albert Einstein   "Automatic= " simply means that you can’t repair it…

Each of the following well known proverbs has a key word mis= sing.  Actually, with the fertile mind of Mary Youngquist, there is a = word SUBSTITUTED for the correct one.  Your mission, if you choose to = accept it, will be to find the erroneous word and replace it…

[I am writing MY story in tiny bytes and episodes, so here a= re important lecture notes from a class at Pillsbury College where I taught= on “Writing for publication”:] Do not put statements in= the negative form.   And don’t start sentences with a conjunction.   If you re=…

[this was from September 1996 – THIRTY years ago!!]   Dr. Bob shocked the congregation when he announ= ced that he was resigning and going to Minnesota to help a struggling colle= ge.   After the service, a very distraught lady came to the pastor with tear= s in her…

"God Said….No"   I asked God to take away my pride= =2E God said "No".  It is= not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.   I asked God to make my= handicapped child whole. God said "= No".  Her spirit was whole, her body…

[This week is throwback to 1996 when the grif net blog first was distributed on the web. These are actual headlines from 1996 from media around the USA.] Kids Make Nutritious Snacks Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy Arson Suspect Held in Massachusetts Fire Ban On Soliciting Dead…