Daily Humor

Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It k= nows it must run faster than the fas= test lion or it will be killed. =   Every morning a lion wakes up. It k= nows it must outrun the slowest gazel= le or it will starve to death. &=…

It has come to my attention that some of you are = using MY NAME as a "reference&qu= ot; or "recommendation" for job applications or graduate school evaluations. You might like to know wh= at the standard jargon really means to your old profs before thinking all of their reports…

[Written Oct 1 1996 to my college students as the= brand new grif.net blog had expanded to 36 recipient] It has come t= o my attention that some of you are using your TEACHER’S NAME as a "reference" or "recommendation= " for job applications or graduate school evaluations. You might…

[September celebrated the grif.net blog’s 30th anniversary. Here is one more old joke from 1996] We tend to be = myopic, thinking only of self and personal interest.  Consider these f= acts from another perspective: &nbsp= ; *From a clock’s point of view, the hands mov= e counterclockwise.   *From…

[As we celebrate 30 years of daily grif.net fooli= shness, here is another rerun from September 29th, 1996] = Compiled from senior seminar: &n= bsp; "Before I came to college I wish= I had known . . . "  = That no matter how late I scheduled my fi= rst…

  The = grif.net blog entry below is a repeat from September 23rd, 1996.= This week we celebrate THIRTY YEARS of daily entertainment. Want to thank = all the readers who have made it a success with your submissions of humor o= r more serious weekend fodder. As you can…

Well, we’ve attained a new “title”= today. We are now great-grandparents to little Opal Lou.  Babies for = a couple years are pretty helpless, especially on “diaper duty”= =2E  We had our children all with cloth diapers and it was a huge, sme= lly task to get them dumped, rinsed,…

> Your joints make the same noises as your coffee= maker.   > No one expects you to run—anywhere.   > You and your teeth don’t sleep together.=   > You= try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren&#82= 17;t wearing any.   > Retirement…

> Now that I’ve gotten older, everything’s finall= y starting to click for me. My knees, my back, my neck.   > Old age make= s us great multitaskers. Why, you can sneeze and pee at the same time.=   &g= t; The secret of staying young is to live…

PERKS OF BEING RETIRED   > You sing alon= g with elevator music.   > Your eyes won’t get much worse.   > Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.   > Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national= weather service.   > Your…

PERKS OF BEING RETIRED   > You can eat d= inner at 4 P.M.   = > You can live without much sleep but not withou= t glasses.   > You enjoy hearing about other people’s operat= ions.   > You get into heated arguments about pension plans.   >…

PERKS OF BEING RETIRED   > Kidnappers ar= e not interested in you.   > In a hostage situation you are likely= to be released first.   > No one expects you to run into a burnin= g building.   > People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I…

  Former = Grif.Net said “if someone with multiple personalities threatens to ki= ll himself, is it considered a  hostage situation?   So what abo= ut if someone with multiple personalities: a) Kills himself, is it a mass suicide? b) Is murdered, is it a mass murder? c) Stands up,…