Daily Humor

Most = department stores tend to play slower music, in order to slow down customer= s and keep them shopping longer. The opposite is true for re= staurants.   Monaco’s orchestra is b= igger than its army.   The song with the = longest title has 29 words: Hoagy Carmichael’s…

Sixty percent of the world’s lakes (three mill= ion total) are located in Canada.   The highest point in Penn= sylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado. =   You’re never farthe= r than 30 steps from a trash can at Disney World.   Ninety percent of Libya=…

Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on Ju= ly 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn’t added = until 5 years later.   The term "the whole 9 yards" came from WWII= fighter pilots in the…

Mark Twain was born on the night Haley’s comet pa= ssed the Earth, and died the night it passed the Earth.   Average li= fe span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.   The only 15 letter = word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.…

Just up the road from my home is a field, with two horses in= it. From a distance, each looks like every other horse. But if you stop yo= ur car, or are walking by, you will notice something quite amazing. Looking= into the eyes of one horse will disclose…

[This is a reprint from the Grif Net blog May 15, 2006. = Amazed at how many of these are still true 20 years later.] 1. Home = is where you hang your @   2. The E-mail of the species is more deadly than t= he mail.   3.…

Useful Metric Conversions You Won’t Learn in School   * 1 mill= ion microphones =3D 1 megaphone &nbs= p; * 2000 mockingbirds =3D two kilomockingbird= s   * 52 cards =3D 1 decacards   * 1 millionth of a fish =3D 1 microfiche   * 453= =2E6 graham crackers =3D…

[These ‘jokes’ will draw a groan rather = than a chuckle. If you don’t get every one, you are not alone.]What did the cell say to his sister’s cell after she stepped on his foot?= Mitosis.   The logic pr= ofesser’s wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands…

“People often accuse me of stealing other&#821= 7;s jokes and being a plagiarist. Their words — not mine…&#= 8221;   "I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence= =2E There’s a knob called brightness, but it doesn’t work.&= quot;   “What do you do…

A friend shouted to his Mom on Mother’s Day, &= #8220;How does breakfast in bed sound?” She said, “Ooh that sounds lovely!” He said, “Great, I’ll have bacon, toast, and two = eggs.”   My buddy asked his Mom what she wanted for Mother’s Da= y. She said, “Thanks son,…

After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take anothe= r woman out to dinner and a movie. She said, "I love you, but I know t= his other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you."=   The other woman that my wife…

Grandchildren don’t make a woman feel old. That comes from t= he knowledge that she’s married to a grandfather.   It’s amazing how g= randmothers seem so young once you become one.   Grandmothers are like a piec= e of string – handy to have around and easily wrapped around…

An hour with your grandchildren can make you feel young agai= n. Anything longer than that, and you start to age quickly.   Nobody can do f= or little children what grandmothers do. Grandmothers sort of sprinkle star= dust over the lives of little ones One of the most powerful…