“Sic semper tyrannus.” (Your dinosaur is ill.) “Veni, vidi, Pesci.” (I came, I saw, I moidered da bum.) “No Quid Pro Quo.” (I’m Sorry, We’re All Out of Quid.) “E pluribus septum” (Multiple nose piercings.) “Revelare Pecunia!” (Show Me The Money!) “Ignoramus microsoftis multa pecunia dat.” (They want me to…
11/01/12 Grif.Net Blog – Pun o’the Month
I’d use hair dye but I don’t like to go against the grayin’ ~~ A couple of clams were eating chocolate bars while two fish watched. “Did you see that?” one fish said, as the clams finished their treat. “They didn’t offer us a single bite!” “What do you expect?”…
10/31/12 Grif.Net Blog – Too Old for Trick-or-Treat?
Am I too old to be Trick-or-Treating? Asked myself . . Do I get out of breath knocking on the door? Do I need someone to chew the candy for me? Do I ask for high-fiber candy? Do I lose your balance if someone drops a candy bar in my…
10/30/12 Grif.Net Blog – Latin Lessons, part 1
“Domino vobiscum.” The pizza guy is here.) “Auda similarum ad seattles.” (They all sound just like Pearl Jam.) “Sharpei diem.” (Sieze the wrinkled dog.) “Nucleo predicus dispella conducticus.” (Remove foil before microwaving.) “Motorolus interruptus.” (Hold on, I’m going into a tunnel.) “Bodicus mutilatimus, unemploymi forevercus.” (Better take the nose ring…
10/29/12 Grif.Net Blog – Words to Live By Which, 4
My I.Q. Test came back negative. Last week, I went to a furniture store to look for a decaffeinated coffee table. After four decimal places, nobody cares. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives. When camping at a public campground,…
10/27/12 Weekend Grif.Net Blog – Pastoral Search Committee
Pastoral Search Report [forwarded by Bob W] We do not have a happy report to give. We have not been able to find a suitable candidate as a pastor for this church, though we have one promising prospect still. We do appreciate all the suggestions from the church members, and…
10/26/12 Grif.Net Blog – More Ideas for your Answering Machine
Hello, this is KGTC-FM. You are caller #9 and you’re on the air! ———– We’re sorry. You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again. ———– WE ARE BORG. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED. But we’re not home right now. So leave…
10/25/12 Grif.Net Blog – Answering Machine Ideas
[Actual answering machine answers recorded and verified by the world famous International Institute of Answering Machine Answers of Casper, Wyoming] “Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you didn’t…
10/24/12 Grif.Net Blog – Shopping Trip
[A female reader sent in this true story] While I was shopping in the mall with my three children, a display in the window of Victoria’s Secrets store caught my eye. “Do you think Daddy would like this?” I asked the kids, as I pointed to a lacy teddy with…
10/23/12 Grif.Net Blog – Married Men Only
In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men. Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, “Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb,…
10/22/12 Grif.Net Blog – Words to Live By Which, 3
I’m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain. All generalizations are false. We put the “k” in “kwality”. I owe, I owe, so off to work I go Contents may have settled out of court. Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have. I drive…
10/20/12 Weekend Grif.Net Blog – After four years of failure, it’s time for a change
[This week’s editorial from the Casper Star-Tribune (Oct 14, 2012) Endorsement was spot-on with my sentiments and prayer for America. While our state is conservative, the paper has historically shown left-leaning as its owners are not from Wyoming. This article was insightful and refreshing.] Four years ago, Barack Obama promised…
10/19/12 Grif.Net Blog – Math
The math teacher saw that little Joshie wasn’t paying attention in class. She called on him and said, “Joshie! What is 4, 2, 28 and 44?” He quickly replied, “NBC, CBS, HBO, and the Cartoon Network!” ~~ Dr Bob Griffin [email protected] www.grif.net “Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”