08/18/10 Grif.Net – Balloon Ride

An American, a Russian, and a North African were all up in a hot-air balloon
together, but lost in the clouds. After a few minutes, the Russian put his
hand down through the clouds. “Oh my!” he said. “We’re right over my
homeland.”

“How can you tell?” asked the American.

“I can feel the cold air.” he replied.

A few hours later the African put his hand through the clouds. “Now we’re
right over my homeland.” he said.

“How do you know that?” asked the Russian. “I can feel the heat of the
Sahara.”

Several more hours pass and the American put his hand through the clouds.
“Aha, we’re right over New York City.”

The Russian and the African were amazed. “How do you know all of that?” they
exclaimed.

The American pulled his hand up. “My watch is missing.”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

08/17/10 Grif.Net – Bad Motel

Top Signs You’re at a Bad Motel

1. The “complimentary” newspaper tells you that President Kennedy has died.

2. The mint on the pillow starts moving when you come close to it.

3. The “magic fingers vibration” is supplied by giving a quarter to the town
epileptic.

4. There is still some stuff that they put around crime scenes that is
yellow

5. The pictures are not placed for decoration but to cover up recent bullet
holes.

6. You have to wait until the guy next door is done with the towel so you
can use it.

7. There’s a chalk outline in the bed when you pull back the covers.

8. The desk clerk has to move the body in order to get some ice for you.

9. The Only TV station you can get is running a Roseanne marathon on it

10. The wake up call comes courtesy of police helicopter

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

08/16/10 Grif.Net – Perfect Quarterback

The coach put together the perfect team for the Oakland Raiders. The only
thing missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges, even
the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn’t find a QB that would
ensure a Super Bowl win.

Then one night while watching Fox News, the coach saw a war-zone scene in
Afghanistan. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan
Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. The soldier threw a
hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window, 100 yards away. KABOOM!

He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away — right into a chimney.
KA-BLOOEY!

Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph. BULLS-EYE!

“I’ve got to get this guy!” the Coach said to himself. “He has the perfect
arm!”

He brought the soldier to the States and taught him the great game of
football and the Raiders went on to win the Super Bowl. The young Afghan
was hailed as a great football hero and when the coach asked him what he
wanted, the young man answered that he wanted to call his mother.

“Mom,” he said into the phone, “I just won the Super Bowl!”

“I don’t want to talk to you,” the old Muslim woman said. “You are not my
son!”

“I don’t think you understand, Mother,” the young man pleaded. “I’ve won
the greatest sporting event in the world. I’m here among thousands of my
adoring fans.”

“No! Let me tell you,” his mother retorted. “At this very moment, there
are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two
brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to
keep your sister in the house so she doesn’t get attacked!”

The old lady paused, and then tearfully said, “I will never forgive you for
making us move to Oakland!”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

08/14/10 Weekend Grif.Net – Flight of a Sparrow

About AD 700 the venerable Bede wrote “The History of the English Church and
People”. He shared the story of Paulinus, a missionary to the Anglo-Saxons
and how he tried to convert the English to Christianity. Paulinus visited
King Edwin in the year AD 627. Edwin and his followers worshipped pagan gods
and had no concept of a better afterlife to look forward to. Edwin was
impressed with the ideas of Paulinus, but decided to hear the views of his
advisors before deciding whether to convert to Christianity. One of them
spoke in favor of Christianity, and put the case like this:

“Your Majesty, when we compare the present life of man on earth with that
time of which we have no knowledge, it seems to me like the swift flight of
a single sparrow through the banqueting-hall where you are sitting at dinner
on a winter’s day with your thanes and counselors. Inside, there is a
comforting fire to warm the hall; outside, the storms of winter rain or snow
are raging. This sparrow flies swiftly in through one door of the hall, and
out through another. While he is inside, he is safe from the winter storms;
but after a few moments of comfort, he vanishes from sight into the wintry
world from which he came. So man appears on earth for a little while, but of
what went before this life or of what follows, we know nothing. Therefore,
if this new teaching has brought any more certain knowledge, it seems only
right that we should follow it.”

What Edwin’s advisor has come to understand is that this life – although it
is all that we can truly know by observation – is not all that there is.
Therefore it should not be of the greatest significance to us nor should
giving all that we have in order to make this world more comfortable for
ourselves be our greatest goal.

Jesus told a parable about a man so satisfied with his good life on earth
who said (in our modern vernacular) to himself, “I’ve got it all.” Jesus’
response was simply, “Fool!” Jesus calls him a fool not because he was
wealthy (there is no condemnation there) or successful, but because the man
planned as though the life he was living was all that there was.

To use the analogy of the sparrow that flew through the banquet hall, the
man did not plan for what would happen after he flew out the other window.
He had this life all worked out but he didn’t plan for what would happen to
him after he died.

Oh, that I would be a sparrow who, when flying out of the bright lights of
these earthly years, would find eternal lodging close to my blessed Savior.

Psalm 84:1-3 “How lovely is your dwelling place, O LORD Almighty! My soul
yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry
out for the living God. Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a
nest for herself, where she may have her young– a place near your altar, O
LORD Almighty, my King and my God.”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

08/13/10 Grif.Net – Caves

On a recent Caribbean cruise we had the chance to visit the caves on
Barbados, the only island in the region that is not volcanic and has these
amazing underground features.

The wife and I noticed another couple from the ship and she seemed very
frightened. She asked, looking for reassurance, our tour guide: “Are there
any bats in this cave?”

The guide answered: “There were, but don’t worry, the snakes ate all of
them.”

Not sure that helped.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

08/12/10 Grif.Net – Anniversary

After I waited patiently while my husband played a round of golf on our 18th
wedding anniversary, he and I went out to dinner at a lovely restaurant. We
discussed many happy memories we’ve shared during the years.

Then I smiled coyly and asked, “Want to go for another 18?”

“No” he replied. “I think it’s getting too dark.”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

08/11/10 Grif.Net – Not-so-Famous Quotations

[At a recent wedding I was asked to share some insights on married life and
on life in general. Of course, some was serious and of lasting value. But
that is not what you get in the Grif.Net]

Married men live longer than single men, but they’re a lot more willing to
die.

I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

Time is the best teacher; the only problem is it kills all of its students.

Life is just a phase you’re going through. You’ll get over it.

Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people to
remember the same thing.

Men are like parking spaces: the good ones are taken and the only ones left
are handicapped.

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was
too late.

What is the difference between outlaws and in-laws? Outlaws are wanted.

My wife says I never listen to her. At least, I think that is was she says.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

08/10/10 Grif.Net – Good Ol’ Days

As a Grandfather I was talking to my grandsons about the “good ol’ day”.

“You know back then I could go to a store with a dollar and get a loaf of
bread, a dozen eggs, a watermelon, and four candy bars! Bet you can’t do
THAT today, can you?”

My grandsons agreed and I thought they got my point, until the oldest said,
“You’re right. There are just way too many surveillance cameras in stores
today.”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

08/09/10 Grif.Net – Knighting Ceremony

A British Jew is waiting in line to be knighted by the Queen. He is to kneel
in front of her and recite a sentence in Latin when she taps him on the
shoulders with her sword. However, when his turn comes, he panics in the
excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he
recites the only other sentence he knows in a foreign language, which he
remembers from the Passover Seder:

“Ma nishtana ha layla ha zeh mi kol ha laylot.”

Puzzled, Her Majesty turns to her advisor and whispers, “Why is this knight
different from all other knights?”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

08/07/10 Weekend Grif.Net – How Do You Think?

If you think you are beaten, you are;
If you think you dare not, you don’t!
If you’d like to win, but you think you can’t,
It’s almost certain you won’t.

If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost;
For out in the world we find
Success begins with a fellow’s will;
It’s all in the state of mind!

If you think you’re outclassed, you are;
You’ve got to think high to rise.
You’ve got to be sure of yourself
Before you’ll ever win the prize.

Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man;
But sooner or later the man who wins
Is the person who thinks he can!

Author Unknown

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

08/06/10 Grif.Net – Wife’s Name

Many years ago I spent time on the Wind River Reservation here in Wyoming.
Loved to “tap into” the Indian culture and talk with men there. A friend
shared a story about one such encounter.

One of the men he knew shared meanings and symbols of his native language
and noted that his wife was called “Five Horses” in the Northern Arapaho
tongue.

It was suggested that this seemed a strange name for his wife, but maybe
that was the bride-price he paid. He winked when telling him its deep and
mystical meaning.

He simply said, “Nag, nag, nag, nag, nag.”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

08/05/10 Grif.Net – Game Show

Mike was a well-loved and very smart college history professor. But he
couldn’t believe it — he’d made it to the last round of his favorite game
show.

“Congratulations, Mike,” said the emcee. “Answer correctly and you go home
with five million dollars! Miss either part and you will get nothing.”

“This is a two-part question on American history,” he continued. “The second
half of the question is always easier. Which part would you like first?”

Mike figured he’d play it safe. “I think I’ll try the second part of the
question first.”

The emcee nodded approvingly, while the audience was silent with
anticipation.

“Okay, Mike, here is your question: And in what year did it happen?”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

08/04/10 Grif.Net – August Pun o’the Month

Did you hear about the weekly poker game with the early world explorers?
Vasco da Gama held a pair, Christopher Columbus was ace high, and Henry
Hudson had three of a kind.

But they never could beat the Straights of Magellan.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”