A fellow walked in to a nice Mexican restaurant. At the table they brought him a beverage, some chips and salsa to nibble on as he looked over the menu. “Nice shirt”, a voice came from nearby. He looked around, but didn’t see anyone who might have said it. Continuing…
07/07/10 Grif.Net – Pregnancy Instructions
The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly and was telling the men how to given the necessary assurance to their partners at each stage of the pregnancy. “Ladies, remember that exercise…
07/06/10 Grif.Net – One Shot
[A loyal grif.net subscriber in Cody sent me this story.] Three friends decided to go hunting together. One was a lawyer, one a doctor, and the other a preacher. As they were walking, along came a big buck. The three of them shot at the same time and the buck…
07/05/10 Grif.Net – 4th of July Holiday
[Many have today off to celebrate the 4th of July. Let’s remember this sage advice from thousands of years ago.] “The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands…
07/03/10 Weekend Grif.Net – Ragged Old Flag
RAGGED OLD FLAG I walked through a county courthouse square, On a park bench an old man was sitting there. I said, “Your old courthouse is kinda run down.” He said, “Naw, it’ll do for our little town.” I said, “Your flagpole has leaned a little bit, And that’s a…
07/02/10 Grif.Net – Patriotic Q&A
[Getting ready for grandkids to come soon with ‘corny joke time’. Some of these are truly pathetic. The jokes, not the grandkids . . . ] Q. How is a healthy person like the United States? A. They both have good constitutions! Q. What’s big, cracked, and carries your luggage?…
07/01/10 Grif.Net – Fish Latin
[We’ve all heard of Pig Latin from our childhood days. But did you ever learn “Fish Latin? Well, today you will.] Caviar Emptor – Beware of the fish. Carp Diem – Seize the fish. Veni, Vidi, Fishy – I came, I saw, I fished. Cod Erat Demonstrandum – Proving the…
06/30/10 Grif.Net – June Wedding One-Liners
[We cannot end June without a little more Wedding humor. And truisms. And confessions.] Never marry a man for money. You’ll have to earn every penny I married MR. RIGHT, I didn’t know his first name was ALWAYS! Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. A man said his credit…
06/29/10 Grif.Net – Solution
The experimental salt-water algae farm was having difficulty because of the depletion of the plants by hundreds of terns. An ornithologist was hired to solve the problem. His solution was to grow cannabis sativa plants along the rim of the algae tanks. The terns would nibble at the cannabis and…
06/28/10 Grif.Net – Cow Q&A
Q: What do you call a cow with 2 legs? A: Lean Beef Q: Why did the cow cross the road? A: It was the chicken’s day off. Q: A totally black cow was standing in the middle of the road. A man was cruising around a corner with no…
06/26/10 Weekend Grif.Net – Realize
To realize the value of a sister or brother: Ask someone who doesn’t have one. To realize the value of ten years: Ask a newly divorced couple. To realize the value of four years: Ask a graduate. To realize the value of one year: Ask a student who has failed…
06/25/10 Grif.Net – Elementary
Sherlock Holmes and his faithful companion Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. They find a beautiful spot and set up their tent. After a full day of enjoying nature, they go into their tent and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes Dr. Watson and says, “Look up at…
06/24/10 Grif.Net – Sunday School Questions
Answers overheard in Sunday School . . . Q. Does anyone here know what a bishop does? A. Moves diagonally. Q. Why did the Israelis make a golden calf? A. They didn’t have enough gold to make a cow. Q. Where do people go who use bad language? A. To…