Grif.Net

A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose to her. Time and again in his 30’s, 40’s and 50’s he had wanted to propose, but couldn’t bring himself to do it. Now they were advanced in years, retired and neither of them had ever…

If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: “Take two aspirin” and “Keep away from children” “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY.” “My Mom said…

A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form. A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kinds of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says “Here’s a pill for English literature.” The student takes the pill and swallows it and…

Driver Carries No Cash: He’s Married Take Your Ex Out Tonight One Bullet Ought to Do It Wife and Dog Missing Reward for Dog 4 out of 3 People Have Trouble with Fractions I Child-Proofed My House But the Grandkids Still Get In Go Green Recycle Congress The Shortest Sentence…

[After watching that imbecile on television who claims to know what common household pets are thinking, we thought we’d give it a try.] Dog: “They keep putting the lid down on the big water bowl.” Goldfish: “Just because I have a three-second memory, they don’t think I’ll mind eating the…

Michelle Akers (Olympics Gold Medalist and World Cup Champion soccer player) shares her testimony as the “best women’s soccer player on the planet”. But life for Michelle doesn’t consist of only victories and honors, she sick with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and she’s holding on by the very will and courage…

[Bob J reported this story:] In our Anglican church, each service begins with a greeting. The officiating clergyman says, “The Lord be with you.” The congregation used to respond by saying, “And with thy spirit.” But, with the modernizing of the liturgy, the minister now says, “The Lord be with…

When I take a long time… – I am slow When my boss takes a long time – he is thorough When I don’t do it… – I am lazy When my boss doesn’t do it – he is too busy When I do something without being told… – I…

[Top ten excuses for not doing math homework] I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames. Today is Isaac Newton’s birthday. I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook. I couldn’t actually reach it. I have the proof, but there isn’t room to write it in…

1. On Sears hairdryer: “Do not use while sleeping.” Wouldn’t that save time? 2. On a bag of Fritos: “You could be a winner! No purchase necessary! Details inside.” So, you just rip the package open, read the details, and then put the package back on the shelf? 3. On…

[My daughter is coming this week. She has a PHOBIA about our pantry, cupboard, fridge and freezer. She must think we old folks can actually READ those little expiration date codes on the boxes and cans. Or that we CARE. Anyway, here are some “rules” to follow for food safety.…

A friend shared this – While I was sitting in my parked car on the street one day, a young woman in the car ahead came over and asked me if I had a hammer she could borrow. When I said no, she got one from the man in the…

[When I get the message “Your computer has performed an illegal operation”, I get frustrated. How much better to see it in Haiku? Here are some of the best.] The Web site you seek cannot be located, but countless more exist. Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall…