Walking by a fortune teller shop on the way home from school, little Chloe asked her friend, “Do you think people can predict the future with cards?” “oh, yes”, said Justin. “My mother can.” “Really?” “I’m sure. She’ll take one look at my report card and tell me exactly what…
03/07/12 Grif.Net – Letter from College
One woman was bragging at church about her son, away at college. “Why, our son is so brilliant, every time we get a letter from him, we have to go to the dictionary.” “You’re lucky,” replied another. “Every time we get a letter from ours, we have to go to…
03/06/12 Grif.Net – Ordination Memories
[After college/grad school and 2+ years full time as an associate pastor, I got my first senior pastorate and stood for ordination. March 6, 1973. Here is an old story of another ordination – ordination of Uncle Zeke – not to be confused with MY story.] Down in the deep…
03/05/12 Grif.Net – Diet Suggestions
[At our clinic we have “The Diet That Works”. Not too catchy, but hey, it works. Here are some other suggestions we’ve been given that may NOT work too well.] SEVEN-DAY DIET (eat all you want today because not another bite for a week) ALL-DESERT DIET (eat only in the…
03/03/12 Weekend Grif.Net – Who Influences Whom?
There’s a story that Thomas Wheeler, CEO of the Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance Company, tells on himself. He and his wife were driving along an interstate highway when he noticed that their car was low on gas. Wheeler got off the highway at the next exit and soon found a…
03/02/12 Grif.Net – Status Updates
[I have some strange friends on FaceBook. Here are some selected “Status Updates” I’ve seen posted. Just sayin’ . . ] I want to learn how to make candles, so today I’m logging into Wickipedia. When I get old, I don’t want people thinking, “What a sweet old lady…” I…
03/01/12 Grif.Net – March Religious Word Play
Did Noah keep his bees in archives? ~~ I heard that Paula Dean almost worships her cooking utensils. Does that make her a pantheist? ~~ When I go to confession, I just give a brief overview of my sin, not the details. I think of it only as a synopsis.…
02/29/12 Grif.Net – Bissextile Humor
[Get your minds out of the gutter. Bissextile means ‘of, or pertaining to, the leap year or the extra day in the leap year’.] While our calendar only allows exactly 365 days each year, the earth actually takes 365 days, 5 hours, 48 minutes, 46 seconds for a complete orbit…
02/28/12 Grif.Net – More Questions without Answers
Was the inventor of the colander accused of having an idea that did not hold water? Is it possible to have too much moderation? Why is it that in order to support something, one must lean against it? Is there a delicate way to say “euphemism?” Is an ambulance driver…
02/27/12 Grif.Net – Cow Humor for Moorons
Q: What day comes after Sunday on a cow’s calendar? A: Moonday. Q: What does a cow clean her kitchen with? A: Mooop and Glow. Q: What does the average cow earn for her labor? A: Mooney. Q: Where does a cow go on vacation? A: Moontana or Cowifornia. Q:…
02/25/12 Weekend Grif.Net – Wonder Why I’m Not a Democrat?
Thursday I was asked to pray at the precinct caucuses for the Republican’s in our county. I counted it an honor I am a conservative and prayed for the members of my party and for ALL Americans to stand for the moral and spiritual principles that made our nation great..…
02/24/12 Grif.Net – Off on a Tangent
[Got joking with my cyber-friend Ken about Math after yesterday’s grif.net, so thought I share some more “advanced” – read: “sick” – humor and word plays.] MY MATH TEACHER . . . . . was beautiful but very difficult. She was easy on the eyes and hard on the pupils.…
02/23/12 Grif.Net – By the Numbers
Time for some jokes for my 10 (count ’em) wonderful Grandkids from kindergarten to algebra. Q. What did 0 say to 8? A. Nice Belt Q. If you add 3+5+7 and your total is 6, what kind of job is best for you? A. A golf caddy Q. What did…