Grif.Net

Which month has 28 days? All of them! What did the hat say to the scarf? You hang on around while I go on ahead! If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become? Wet! Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.…

If the red house was made out of red bricks, and the blue house was made out of blue bricks, what was the green house made out of? Glass! What runs but never walks? Water! What kind of coat you can put on which doesn’t have buttons, a zipper, or…

ABDICATE: to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. ADULT: One who has stopped growing at both ends and now grows middle. BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye. CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people. CHICKENS: The only creatures you eat before…

A wealthy man and his son loved to collect rare works of art. They had everything in their collection, from Picasso to Raphael. They would often sit together and admire the great works of art. When the Viet Nam conflict broke out, the son went to war. He was very…

A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose to her. Time and again in his 30’s, 40’s and 50’s he had wanted to propose, but couldn’t bring himself to do it. Now they were advanced in years, retired and neither of them had ever…

If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: “Take two aspirin” and “Keep away from children” “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY.” “My Mom said…

A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form. A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kinds of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says “Here’s a pill for English literature.” The student takes the pill and swallows it and…

Driver Carries No Cash: He’s Married Take Your Ex Out Tonight One Bullet Ought to Do It Wife and Dog Missing Reward for Dog 4 out of 3 People Have Trouble with Fractions I Child-Proofed My House But the Grandkids Still Get In Go Green Recycle Congress The Shortest Sentence…

[After watching that imbecile on television who claims to know what common household pets are thinking, we thought we’d give it a try.] Dog: “They keep putting the lid down on the big water bowl.” Goldfish: “Just because I have a three-second memory, they don’t think I’ll mind eating the…

Michelle Akers (Olympics Gold Medalist and World Cup Champion soccer player) shares her testimony as the “best women’s soccer player on the planet”. But life for Michelle doesn’t consist of only victories and honors, she sick with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and she’s holding on by the very will and courage…

[Bob J reported this story:] In our Anglican church, each service begins with a greeting. The officiating clergyman says, “The Lord be with you.” The congregation used to respond by saying, “And with thy spirit.” But, with the modernizing of the liturgy, the minister now says, “The Lord be with…

When I take a long time… – I am slow When my boss takes a long time – he is thorough When I don’t do it… – I am lazy When my boss doesn’t do it – he is too busy When I do something without being told… – I…

[Top ten excuses for not doing math homework] I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames. Today is Isaac Newton’s birthday. I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook. I couldn’t actually reach it. I have the proof, but there isn’t room to write it in…