Grif.Net

Doctor: “How is that little boy doing, the one who swallowed ten quarters?” Nurse: “No change yet.” ~~ Patient walks into a doctor’s office and said, “I think people just ignore me.” Doctor: “Next!” ~~ Doctor: “Did you take those pills I gave you to improve your memory?” Patient: “What…

The bugle echoes shrill and sweet, but not of war it sings today. The road is rhythmic with the feet of men-at-arms who come to pray. The rose blossoms white and red on tombs where weary soldiers lie; Flags wave above the honored dead and martial music cleaves the sky.…

[Have you ever told a white lie? You are going to love this, especially all of you ladies who bake for church events] Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church Ladies’ Group in Tuscaloosa, but forgot to do it until the last minute. She remembered it…

[CH shared this story that sounds a tad apocryphal . . and political] I was eating lunch with my 7-year-old grandson and I asked him, “What special day is next Monday?”   He said “Memorial Day!”   He is a smart kid.   I asked “What does Memorial Day mean?”…

When the cat was run over by a car, the mother quickly disposed of the remains before her four-year-old son Billy found out about it. After a few days, Billy finally asked about the cat. “Billy, the cat died,” his mother explained. “But it’s all right. He’s up in heaven…

One of my granddaughter’s classmates at the Christian school was found by his teacher with pencil and paper, making a sketch. When asked what he was doing, he answered promptly, and with considerable pride: “I’m drawing a picture of God.” “But,” gasped the shocked teacher, “you can’t do that. No…

On an end-of-the-year field trip, a kindergarten teacher was walking her class along the road when a fire engine roared past. Sitting in the front seat was a Dalmatian. The children immediately started debating the dog’s duties. “They use him to keep the crowds back,” said one. “No,” said another.…

Teacher: In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia? Johnny: Holding up the telephone lines. ~~ Teacher: I hope I didn’t see you looking at Tommy’s test paper. Johnny: I hope you didn’t see me either! ~~ Teacher: I think you copied off Tommy in that test. Johnny: What…

A joke making it around the ‘net relates that the Pope is working in his office one day when a very excited priest comes rushing down the hall, robes flying. “Padre! Padre! I have news!” the priest pants as he skids into the room. The Pope looks up patiently from…

My wife’s best friend was telling some ladies about the burglar scare in her house the night before. “Yes,” she said, “I heard a noise and got up, and there, from under the bed, I saw a man’s legs sticking out.” “Mercy!” exclaimed a woman. “The burglar’s legs?” “No, my…

1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. 2. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a group of men by 50% without recrimination. 3. The maximum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who’s running late is five minutes. For a girl running late,…

God said: “What’s the matter, Adam? You look so miserable all the time.” Adam said: “I’m bored having nobody to talk to.” “Right,” said God, “I’m going to give you a companion. She will be called a woman. This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when…

Recently I was asked to play in a golf tournament. At first I said, ‘Naaahhh! I’m just not that good.’ Then they said to me, ‘Come on, it’s for handicapped and blind Kids.’ Then I thought . . . “I could win this!” ~~ Dr Bob Griffin [email protected] www.grif.net “Jesus…