Grif.Net

OFFICIAL OUTDOOR GRILL RULES: We have entered the outdoor grilling season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When a man volunteers to Grill, the following chain of events are put into motion: (1) The woman buys the food. (2)…

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there…

A sweet lady came into the clinic with a baby and asked the nurse to weigh the baby. “Sorry, the baby scale is broken,” said the nurse. “But we can figure the baby’s weight if we weigh mother and baby together on a regular adult scale, and then weigh the…

Did you hear about how the dermatologist started his business from scratch? Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who had trouble with her pupils? Did you hear about the allergic girl who went into the bee-keeping business and got hives? Did you hear about the cat who ate cheese…

[Ben forwarded this ingenious example of speech and politics that occurred in the United Nations Assembly and made the world community smile.] A representative from Israel began: ‘Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Moses. When he struck the rock and it brought forth water, he…

Q. Why are fish merchants not known to be generous? A. Their business makes them selfish Q. What did the surgeon say to the patient who would not pay to have him finish the operation? A. O.K. Suture self. Q. What happens to a cow when she is sterilized? A.…

An Englishman, a Scotsman, a Pole, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Cambodian, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, an Argentinean, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek,…

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. I know you can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear, but you can make a fancy dress. Remember, “ear today, gown tomorrow”. When he went to his tailor to pick up his suit,…

A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that anyone with insufficient brain activity reads e-mail with one’s hand on the mouse. Don’t bother taking it off now; it’s too late. (Thanks. Ken) ~~ Dr Bob Griffin [email protected] www.grif.net “Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

Yesterday (June 19th), Teresa and I celebrated our 41st Wedding Anniversary. She asked me to describe her, so I started slowly . . . “You’re A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.” She asked, “What does that mean?” So I said, “Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant,…

[Rather than just a single day to honor dads, we’ve done two week. This is the final installment.] “Just a minute more, Daddy,” the little girl cried. “I don’t want to go inside right now; give me one more piggy ride.” “Just another minute, Daddy,” she said when she was…

[Rather than just a single day to honor dads, this is day 11.] “The fundamental defect of fathers is that they want their children to be a credit to them” ~Bertrand Russell “I am determined that my children should be brought up their father’s religion, if they ever can find…

[Closing in on Father’s Day. Hope you’ve sent more than a forward of the grif.net to your Dad] “We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves. There is no friendship, no love, like that of the parent for the child.” ~Henry War Beecher “And ye…