Grif.Net

Camping 4 Dummies -Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go into the woods alone. -A two-man pup tent does not fit two men or even a good-sized pup. -A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent…

In case any of you are looking this holiday week for summer vacation spots, be aware of the following advertising lingo: Old world charm = No bath Tropical = Rainy Majestic setting = A long way from town Options galore = Nothing is included in the itinerary Secluded hideaway =…

For one who was born and grew up in the small towns of the Midwest, there is a special kind of nostalgia about the Fourth of July. I remember it as a day almost as long-anticipated as Christmas. This was helped along by the appearance in store windows of all…

Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, to assure the survival and success of liberty. ~John F. Kennedy One flag, one land, one heart, one hand, One Nation evermore!…

[Both a circus and carnival are coming to town, bringing out the bad puns in me] An old clown retired and decided to hand over the business to his son. His son responded, “I don’t know if I can do it, Dad. You have big shoes to fill.” ~~ A…

OFFICIAL OUTDOOR GRILL RULES: We have entered the outdoor grilling season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When a man volunteers to Grill, the following chain of events are put into motion: (1) The woman buys the food. (2)…

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there…

A sweet lady came into the clinic with a baby and asked the nurse to weigh the baby. “Sorry, the baby scale is broken,” said the nurse. “But we can figure the baby’s weight if we weigh mother and baby together on a regular adult scale, and then weigh the…

Did you hear about how the dermatologist started his business from scratch? Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who had trouble with her pupils? Did you hear about the allergic girl who went into the bee-keeping business and got hives? Did you hear about the cat who ate cheese…

[Ben forwarded this ingenious example of speech and politics that occurred in the United Nations Assembly and made the world community smile.] A representative from Israel began: ‘Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Moses. When he struck the rock and it brought forth water, he…

Q. Why are fish merchants not known to be generous? A. Their business makes them selfish Q. What did the surgeon say to the patient who would not pay to have him finish the operation? A. O.K. Suture self. Q. What happens to a cow when she is sterilized? A.…

An Englishman, a Scotsman, a Pole, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Cambodian, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, an Argentinean, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek,…

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. I know you can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear, but you can make a fancy dress. Remember, “ear today, gown tomorrow”. When he went to his tailor to pick up his suit,…