Grif.Net

I visited my grandkids school for the parent orientation today. (Hey, it was free hot dogs so g’pa volunteered to go) The teacher asked whether anyone could remember the chemical formula for water Wanting to show my 4th and 2nd graders how smart I was, I said, “Sure, it’s HIJKLMNO.”…

Here is what I would LIKE the Boss to say about my ideas: **Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. Here is what the Boss would LIKE to say about my ideas: **I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant. **How about never? Is never…

Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and decided that, in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel. Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist; they put up a sign reading: “Dr. Smith…

An old pastor lay dying. He sent a message for an Internal Revenue Service agent and his lawyer to come to the hospital. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his room. As they entered the room, the pastor held out his hands and motioned for them to sit…

Dear Lord, So far today, I am doing okay. I have not gossiped, lost my temper, or been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, and self-indulgent. I have not whined, complained, cursed, or eaten any chocolate. I have charged nothing on my credit card. I’ve not nagged at my husband or yelled…

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed . . driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated friend said, “What’s taking so long? Hit the ball!” The fellow answered, “My wife is up…

Coming home from his Little League game, Billy swung open the front door very excited. Unable to attend the game, his father immediately wanted to know what happened. “So, how did you do, son?” he asked. “You’ll never believe it!” Billy said. “I was responsible for the winning run!” “Really?…

Don’t Miss This Opportunity!! Are you interested in making $$$$ fast? Here’s an incredibly simple way to do it and there is nothing to buy, no investment to make, no money to lose! TRY it now! Follow this simple procedure: 1. Open a new text or word document 2. Hold…

My co-worker didn’t come into work today. He called this morning and said he was having a vision problem. When I asked what was wrong, he replied, “I just can’t see myself at work today.” I told the new employee, ‘You can name your own salary here. I call mine…

Nine Lesson Concerning Sickness – Bishop J.C. Ryle (1889) 1. Sickness is meant to make us think-to remind us that we have a soul as well as a body-an immortal soul-a soul that will live forever in happiness or in misery-and that if this soul is not saved we had…

A fellow limped in to the examining room at the local clinic. His doctor looked up and said, ‘Good morning. John. What’s the trouble?’ He replied, ‘My shins, doc. Just look.’ ‘Good heavens. They’re all hacked to pieces. It looks as if everyone’s been kicking you. What have you been…

A man went into a pet shop and asked the assistant, “Do you have any dogs going cheap?” He replied, “Sorry sir; all ours go woof.” Why is your cat so small? He only drinks condensed milk. What kind of dog has four legs and one arm? A pit bull…