Grif.Net

My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn’t find any. So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, “These vegetables are for my wife and have to be all natural. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?”…

There was a very self-sufficient blind man who did a lot of traveling alone. He was making his first trip to Houston and happened to be seated next to a Texan on the flight. The Texan spent a lot of time telling him how everything is bigger and better in…

As a child I saw Tarzan run around almost naked. I read about Dick chasing Jane all over the neighborhood Cinderella arrived home after midnight, missing some of her outfit. Pinocchio told lies. Aladdin was a thief. Donald Duck dressed sharp but never wore pants. Batman drove over 200 miles…

If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend ~~ Father: Do you know, most people don’t have to work today, because it’s Labor Day. Son: If people are not working, shouldn’t we call today ‘No-Labor Day?’ ~~ Boss:…

The ‘Mindset List for the Class of 2015’ is off the press. Beloit College produces this annual reminder. This is just a short excerpt; we’d encourage you to go to their website and be enlightened as to how this new freshman class thinks. Andre the Giant, River Phoenix, Frank Zappa,…

Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I’m invisible. Who said that? ———- Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I’m a goat. And how long has this been going on? Oh, ever since I was a kid. ———– Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I’m a pair curtains. Pull yourself together! ———– Doctor, Doctor,…

Famous Indian chief ‘Shortcake’ died. His warriors were out hunting buffalo so his wife had to dispose of the body. So what happened? Squaw bury Shortcake. [contributed by a 10 year old who thinks the grif.net is really funny. So there.] ~~ Dr Bob Griffin [email protected] www.grif.net “Jesus Knows Me,…

[Here are some lines found after being gone from home a little too long] “Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.” “Your Uncle died and left you over one hundred clocks. It’s up to you to wind up the estate.” “You said you’d take me to a fancy…

Many of you know that today I was supposed to be leaving for Vietnam and Cambodia on a ministry trip with my daughter, guided by Evangelist Tim Lee (a decorated Vietnam vet who left both legs behind). Because of circumstances beyond our control, the trip had to be postponed until…

On his vacation with the rich and famous, the President went to an elementary school on the island to talk to the kids (and to get much needed positive PR). After his talk he offered question time. One little boy put up his hand and he is asked his name.…

Up at the college today and heard a professor lecturing the incoming freshman class on using correct English. “In English a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, however, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. But there is no language in the world where a…