Grif.Net

“The new ‘Divorced Barbie’ is a good idea. And she comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, Ken’s boat, Ken’s bank account . . . ” ~~ “You know the song, ‘Deck the Halls?’ Well, I did…and Mr. and Mrs. Hall aren’t very happy.” ~~ “I tell my kids that Santa…

It’s so cold this morning…hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs. It’s so cold this morning…Grandpa’s teeth were chattering – in the glass. It’s so cold this morning…the dogs were wearing cats. It’s so cold this morning…Starbucks was serving coffee on a stick. It’s so cold this morning…we had to…

[Ever wonder about the abbreviation ASAP? Alden from Salt Lake, forwards this timely reminder] Generally we think of it in terms of even more hurry and stress in our lives. Maybe if we think of this abbreviation in a different manner, we will begin to find a new method to…

[FINAL batch of Christmas-themed jokes for kids of all ages. Act natural. Try not to be amused.] Q. If Santa rides in a sleigh, what do elves ride in? A. Mini vans. Q. Which north pole toymaker makes toy guitars and sings, “Blue Christmas?” A. Elfis. Q. What do you…

[MORE Christmas-themed jokes for kids of all ages. Yes, you may laugh.] Q. What do we celebrate five minutes after the gifts are opened? A. Christmess. Q. Why wasn’t the turkey hungry at Christmas time? A. Because he was still stuffed from Thanksgiving. Q. What song do Santa’s reindeer sing…

[Christmas-themed jokes for kids of all ages. And yes, I mean you.] Q. What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed? A. A cookie sheet. Q. How did Scrooge win the football game? A. The ghost of Christmas passed. Q. What did Adam say the day before Christmas? A.…

A dog not only has a fur coat but also pants. No man goes before his time — unless the boss leaves early. A bill collector came to my house the other day, so I gave him a nice big stack of old bills. I love how we don’t even…

Five stages of a youth pastor’s life: 1. Who is Pastor X? 2. Get me Pastor X. 3. Get me someone who preaches like Pastor X. 4. Get me a younger Pastor X. 5. Who is Pastor X? ~~ There were two people walking down the street. One was a…

I’ve learned…. That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. I’ve learned…. That we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask for. I’ve learned…. That money doesn’t buy class. I’ve learned…. That it’s those small…

Realizing that I’d put on a pound or two over Thanksgiving, I lamented to my husband, “I’m fat.” And right on cue he said what all good husbands must: “You’re not fat.” To support his position, he added, “Just look around you at others, and you will see that you…

[These are jokes inspired by -20F here this morning in Casper. And that is no joke. No one smiling.] It’s so cold this morning…an Amish farmer bought an electric blanket. It’s so cold this morning…I opened Microsoft Outlook and had frost on my Windows. It’s so cold this morning…when I…

I think Santa has riverfront property in Brazil. Instead of the North Pole, all my presents came stamped “Amazon” this year. I tried wrapping Christmas presents, but I didn’t have the gift. I gave my wife a fork for Christmas because there was no tine like the present. I pine…

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus. What do you call it when you move two 10 cent coins from your pocket your purse? A paradigm shift. What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds. What do you do with…