[Here is help for you to know what to pitch and what to save]
THE GAG TEST = Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers
from what you cooked for yourself last night).
EGGS = When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is
probably past its prime.
DAIRY PRODUCTS = Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt
is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is
spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is
nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can’t get any more spoiled than it is
already. Cut off the green parts and enjoy!
MAYONNAISE = If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the mayonnaise
is spoiled.
FROZEN FOODS = Foods that have become attached to ice on the wall of your
freezer compartment will probably be spoiled – (or wrecked anyway by the
time you pry them out with a kitchen knife).
EXPIRATION DATES = This is NOT a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw
away perfectly good food so that you’ll spend more on groceries. Perhaps
you’d benefit by having a calendar in your kitchen.
MEAT = If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three-
block radius to congregate outside your house, it might be spoiled.
BREAD = Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable
“spots” that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and
hairy looking white or green growth areas are a good indication that your
bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment.
LETTUCE = Bibb lettuce is spoiled when you can’t get it off the bottom of
the vegetable crisper without Comet.
CANNED GOODS = Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a
softball or football should be disposed of. Carefully.
CARROTS = A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.
RAISINS = Raisins should not be harder than your teeth.
POTATOES = Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy
undergrowth.
CHIP DIP = If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the
floor, it has gone bad.
UNMARKED ITEMS = Generally speaking, Tupperware containers should not burp
when you open them.
GENERAL RULE OF THUMB = Most food cannot be kept longer than the average
life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster in your refrigerator to gauge this.
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
[email protected] www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”