Grif.Net

At our house, we had some goblin on Halloween, but a whole lot more gobblin’ at Thanksgiving. It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally. The ‘Prosperity Gospel’ is like preaching to acquire. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your…

“Emmanuel ‘Manny’ Ohonme grew up in Africa in an area of extreme poverty. One day, missionaries came to his community and taught the boys how to play a game called basketball. After showing them how to play, they suggested a competition and offered a prize to the winner – a…

My favorite allergy song is “Blowin’ in the Wind” by Peter Pollen Mary. My favorite bagpipe soloist sounded slightly off-kilter. My favorite bass player is very low key. My favorite music store was robbed and the thieves made off with the lute. My favorite violin teacher gave lessons for free,…

Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 190F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder. During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a…

“I heard the joke that ‘you can tune a piano but you can’t tuna fish’. But you CAN! You simply adjust its scales.” “Having a slow day playing the piano? You sound board. But don’t date a piano technician; he will just string you along.” “I’d like to hammer this…

Two roommates got home from work one day and found that their home had been burglarized. One gal called the police to report the crime. Two hours later a police officer and his K9 partner arrived and got out of the car. The young woman shook her head and complained…

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the woman behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and…

Wife was asking about some jokes/stories on “bread”. Of course, I googled this and a 2005 Grif.Net came up! I’d forgotten about it. When our kids were little, we observed Tashlich, where we went to a river to pray and throw bread crumbs into the water. This object lesson symbolized…

Had some strange folks come to the door at Halloween. Dressed half in Star Wars and half in Duck Dynasty gear. Caused me to think . . You might be a DUCK DYNASTY JEDI if . . . — Your Jedi robe is camouflage. — You ever heard the phrase,…

QUIZ: Here is an alphabetical list of the top 10 selling commercial cookies in the U.S. Your job is to place them IN ORDER of $$ in sales: __ Little Debbie Nutty Bar __ Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream __ Nabisco Chips Ahoy __ Nabisco Chips Ahoy Chewy __ Nabisco Nilla…

Here is a quick quiz on COOKIES since my house is smelling like a bakery as we prepare for the upcoming holidays. Give the decade (close enough) when these cookie-related events occurred. _____ 1. First American cookbook to include “Christmas Cookey” recipe _____ 2. First cookie cutters crafted by tinsmiths…

[I’ve had some heart issues; EKG yesterday, more tests today. But lots of time to sit back and thoughts drifting to the past. The following is a oft-requested (by at least 2 people who lost their copy from the Grif.Net 15 years ago). Sit back and enjoy a bowl of…

[Gretchen forwarded this good advice] Can’t eat beef: Mad cow Can’t eat chicken: Bird flu Can’t eat eggs: Salmonella Can’t eat pork: Trichinosis Can’t eat fish: Mercury Can’t eat fruits: Insecticides Can’t eat greens: E. Coli Can’t eat veggies: GMO Can’t eat grains: Herbicides Can’t eat potatoes, pasta, bread, rice:…