Grif.Net

[Barnabas forwarded this and it is marvelous! Scroll down slowly and read carefully to receive and enjoy full effect] The following is the philosophy of Charles Schulz, the creator of the ‘Peanuts’ comic strip. You don’t have to actually answer the questions. Just ponder on them. Just read the e-mail…

At the clinic our “front” computer (with mailing lists, pricing points, correspondence – really not the important computers the doctors use) simply quit. Kaput. Nothing. So looking to get an inexpensive replacement desk top unit, and copy the old hard drive. Our biggest fear, of course, is blowing $$$ on…

Here are some things you should learn NOT to say to a Police Officer that pulls you over for speeding next time . . ~ Hey, you must’ve been doin’ at least 125mph to keep up with me! ~ Sorry, officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.…

[Found this in 1998 file (not a joke) so obviously horrific boredom with soccer even four “world cup’s” ago. Yeah some of these show their age and others show why, in earlier days of the Grif.Net, we had too high of standards of humor to stoop this low.] Ties decided…

MILITARY ACRONYM LESSON: DEFINITIONS OF “FORMS OF CONTROL” Some common ones everyone knows . . . OPCON – Operational control of forces. Can be delegated to subordinates. TACON – Tactical control. Limited to specific time and place. ADCON – Administrative control. UCMJ authority and the like. Less familiar . .…

[Friends post clever, sage and often funny “updates” on their Twitter or Facebook accounts. Here are a few gleaned this past week.] Shot my first turkey today. Now they’re talking about banning me from Safeway for life. If a man is alone in the woods and no woman can hear…

In the far and mighty West, Where the crimson sun seeks rest, There’s a growing splendid state that lies above, On the breast of this great land; Where the massive Rockies stand, There’s Wyoming young and strong, the State I love! In the flowers wild and sweet, Colors rare and…

[Yeppers. Another day of the week, another bushel basket of bad puns.] The fish were shy, so I assumed they were obviously being koi. If gophers become extinct, the hole ecosystem will die. All waterfowl keep their eyes closed when landing except for one. Obviously that is the Peking Duck.…

[Yeah, I’m enjoying a week of word-play and lousy puns. Deal with it.] My dog has a lot of potential, you just have to unleash it. I wanted to bring a penguin home for a pet, but my parents said that wasn’t going to fly. It’s raining cats and dogs.…

Advice from the Ocean: *Come out of your shell. *Be shore of yourself. *Don’t get tide down. *Avoid pier pressure. *Stay away from anything that smells fishy. *Always sea life’s beauty. *Take time to coast. *Watch out for deep waters; they’re abyssal. *You’re better sailing above than in the saline…

I gave up digging for gold. Seems all my work was in vein. Many wedding dresses were altared during this past month. Sign on a tractor trailer: “If you can’t see my mirrors, that’s no reflection on you”. Going vegetarian is a missed steak. (Steak puns are usually medium, and…

[Grandkids left town, but got to see the bones of a real dinosaur dig and a new (not unveiled yet) Chris Navarro sculpted bronze T-Rex. So my mind is thinking silly jokes for their long ride home] Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? Because the ‘p’ is…

[Special Prayer sent 15 years ago this week by PJ to the Grif.Net] “It seems that every evening as I’m laying here in bed, This tiny little prayer keeps running through my head. God bless my wife and family, and bless all that we do, And thank you for a…