Grif.Net

Things I’ve learned as I have aged . . I’ve learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sings “Silent Night”. Age 5 I’ve learned that our dog doesn’t want to eat my broccoli either. Age 7 I’ve learned that when I wave to people in the…

A woman went to her doctor, worried about her husband’s temper. “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me.” The doctor replied, “I have a solution for that. When it seems that your husband is getting…

[Marilyn forwarded this scary warning] One night, Tom heard a knock at his door. He answered it and found a six-foot-tall cockroach. The bug threw him across the room, then left. The next night, the doorbell rang again. The same cockroach slugged him in the stomach and left. The following…

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn’t pay for…

[Quiz: I give the PROFESSION and you guess the child’s NAME] EXAMPLE: Lawyer’s daughter = SUE Thief’s son Lawyer’s son Doctor ‘s son Meteorologist’s daughter Steam shovel operator’s son Hair stylist’s son Homeopathic doctor’s son Justice of the peace’s daughter Sound stage technician’s son Hot-dog vendor’s son Gambler’s daughter Exercise…

My in-laws are residents at an assisted living complex, so we get to visit there weekly. One day a 90-something lady came into the recreation room holding her clenched fist in the air and announced, “Anyone who can guess what’s in my hand gets a free kiss from me!” It…

[One of more of these pithy statements may be just what the doctor ordered for you today!] “You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.” ~Margaret Thatcher “If you can’t solve a problem, it’s because you’re playing by the rules.” ~Paul Arden “Only God can…

A police officer came to my house last night and asked where I was between 5 and 6. He seem irritated when I answered, “Kindergarten”. ~~ Dr Bob Griffin [email protected] www.grif.net “Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

Two rounds of golf in one day? If I wanted to play 36 holes, I’d get a harmonica. I forgot to file taxes, but “not a problem”, says my tax consultant, Lou Pole. Movie Reviews have subtitled the new film Noah as “The Original Rain Man”. I have mood poisoning.…

Eaten lately in a school cafeteria with the “new rules” about food? Hearing screams almost daily from unhappy kids. So I headed over to check it out myself. Here are some surprising observations: **You eat something that’s actually pretty good, then realize it’s the Styrofoam plate. **You cut your hand…

[Submitted by a friend who wishes to be anonymous. For good reason.] I was at my kid’s spring soccer game and struck up a conversation with another parent on the sidelines. “Say. Will you look at that young kid with the short hair and blue shorts out at midfield. I’m…

After six weeks of being “older”, my bride catches up to me today. Another year older. But celebrating it in style! So, what else “good” happens when you get past 65? I’m trying to tell her that . . . 1. Kidnappers are no longer interested in you. 2. People…

[A friend forwarded this troubling question to us] Ten days after filing (at the deadline) my tax return for 2013, I received an audit notice from the IRS. It puzzles me! They are questioning how many dependents I claimed. I guess it was because of my response to the question:…