Grif.Net

A college student was in a philosophy class which had a discussion about God’s existence. The professor presented the following logic: “Has anyone in this class heard God?” Nobody spoke. “Has anyone in this class touched God?” Again, nobody said a word. “Has anyone in this class seen God?” For…

[I’ve always wanted to make a Grif.Net full of one-liners about cows but I’ve been afraid I’d butcher it.] Cows only make noise when they’re in the mood. I was told that a cow with short legs gives dragon milk. Calves take well to bottle feeding since one nipple is…

A stingy old miser was seriously ill and determined to prove wrong the old saying, “You can’t take it with you.” He told his wife to go down to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillowcases. His plan was to secretly stash the bags directly over his…

[Found these descriptions of life from friends and acquaintances posting on the internet] I used a chemistry pun on the Grif.Net once, but got no reaction. I have a dentist who simply loves working on my teeth. He may be abscessive compulsive. I used to do balance and rotations at…

[Another old-but-good rerun – it is summer and hot and I just flew back in at midnight from the Left coast] A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office for his checkup. Afterward the doctor took the wife aside and said, “Unless you do the following things, your husband…

[This is an old story with lots of variation, but still brought a smile] Ted and Marsha had some previous up’s and down’s in their marriages when they were younger, but now at retirement age they were sure they’d found the right one. The bride-to-be was obviously stressed out, and…

[Barnabas forwarded this and it is marvelous! Scroll down slowly and read carefully to receive and enjoy full effect] The following is the philosophy of Charles Schulz, the creator of the ‘Peanuts’ comic strip. You don’t have to actually answer the questions. Just ponder on them. Just read the e-mail…

At the clinic our “front” computer (with mailing lists, pricing points, correspondence – really not the important computers the doctors use) simply quit. Kaput. Nothing. So looking to get an inexpensive replacement desk top unit, and copy the old hard drive. Our biggest fear, of course, is blowing $$$ on…

Here are some things you should learn NOT to say to a Police Officer that pulls you over for speeding next time . . ~ Hey, you must’ve been doin’ at least 125mph to keep up with me! ~ Sorry, officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.…

[Found this in 1998 file (not a joke) so obviously horrific boredom with soccer even four “world cup’s” ago. Yeah some of these show their age and others show why, in earlier days of the Grif.Net, we had too high of standards of humor to stoop this low.] Ties decided…

MILITARY ACRONYM LESSON: DEFINITIONS OF “FORMS OF CONTROL” Some common ones everyone knows . . . OPCON – Operational control of forces. Can be delegated to subordinates. TACON – Tactical control. Limited to specific time and place. ADCON – Administrative control. UCMJ authority and the like. Less familiar . .…

[Friends post clever, sage and often funny “updates” on their Twitter or Facebook accounts. Here are a few gleaned this past week.] Shot my first turkey today. Now they’re talking about banning me from Safeway for life. If a man is alone in the woods and no woman can hear…

In the far and mighty West, Where the crimson sun seeks rest, There’s a growing splendid state that lies above, On the breast of this great land; Where the massive Rockies stand, There’s Wyoming young and strong, the State I love! In the flowers wild and sweet, Colors rare and…