Grif.Net

[My friend Jack forwarded this. Because I’m old? Maybe. I forget why.] Two men were holding up the line outside the turnstile before a football game, while one of them hunted for their tickets. He looked in his coat pockets and his jacket pockets and his trouser pockets, all to…

‘A sure stronghold our God is he, a trusty shield and weapon. Our help he’ll be and set us free from every ill can happen that old malicious foe, means us deadly woe armed with might from Hell and deepest craft as well on earth is not his fellow.’ I’m…

[These were so bad from our week of animal puns that we saved them for our monthly “Worst First” pun entry] We put an unopened container in the microwave. The kangaroo and finally exploded. A scientist tested his time machine on a large beast of burden. He called the experiment…

[Week of musical puns ends by making fun of the names of some of the dead white men who inhabit the pages on the violin stands. A Grif.Net reader suggested I get a new staff of writers or refrain totally. LOL.] Top mottos: 1. “If it’s not Baroque, don’t fix…

[In spite of public demand, here are more really lame musical word plays and puns.] ~~ I didn’t want my kids to join the student-led a-cappella group. I’ve never been a fan of unaccompanied minors. ~~ I knew you were treble when you walked in. You’re so easily led that…

[More terrible music puns gleaned from writing of high school band and orchestra teachers] I like how you conduct your business but I think I’ve found a snare in your plan. We have to work in concert with other professionals. ~~ I don’t mean to harp on you about it.…

[Thought we’d end the month on a high note of low humor from the band room in the high school] A parent didn’t want her kids joining school band or orchestra and risk being exposed to so much sax and violins. She thought it could only lead to treble. ~~…

[After a week of silly jokes, I need to settle down my mind to the realities of life. Storms come. Winds of adversity blow. Wash your mind out with some of these pithy truths. I did.] “When you are going through difficult times and wonder where God is, remember that…

[Okay, last offering of animal humor for the week. Jokes on other subjects would be irrelephant anyway.] Q. What do you call a pig doing karate? A. A pork chop. Q. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A. A fsh. Q. Why do they ban elephants from…

[No cease fire in sight, Mr Kerry. They keep lobbing in one bad joke after another. Incoming!] Q. Why are elephants wrinkled? A. Have you ever tried to iron one? Q. What do you call bears with no ears? A. B. Q. Where do rich squirrels live? A. In the…

Q. Why did the police give a ticket to the dog for giving birth to puppies in the park? A. She was fined for littering. Q. What do they call a mustard-colored dog? A. A Gulden Retriever. Q. What did the hot dog ask the bun? A. Are you pure…

[According to a Gallop Poll I should try to halter these animal jokes and word plays.] Q. What do you call a horse that lives next door? A. A neigh-bor. Q. What type of horses only go out after dark? A. Nightmares. Q. What did the colt say when it…

[Another animal with LOTS of really lame laughs and giggles. Here are some floating on the ‘net that should have long-ago sunk to the bottom. Maybe they have.] Q. What happened to the cat who swallowed the ball of wool she played with? A. She had mittens. Q. Why don’t…