Grif.Net

[ANOTHER “Throwback Classic Grif Net” = from 20 years ago when we started the blog]   Read = the "Complete Guide to the New Manners of the 90’s" by Letitia = Baldrige so give my readers a quiz on how well they "mind your = manners".  This is SERIOUS, although…

[Got into an on-line back-and-forth seeking to outdo one = another with horrible musical puns.  Here is fodder for YOUR next = composition (I want you to score).] I didn’t want my kids = to join band or orchestra, and risk being exposed to so much sax and = violins.…

You don’t have = to actually answer these 6 questions, just read them straight = through: 1.  Name = the five wealthiest people in the world. 2.  Name = the last five Heisman trophy winners. 3.  Name = the last five winners of the Miss America = contest. 4.  Name…

“Hello, this is Ethyl. = Now you say something."   "Hi. John’s answering = machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak slowly, and = I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets. =   "Hi. This is Steve. If you = are the phone company,…

[Fifth installment (seems like more) of possible = T-shirt slogans YOU should consider using.]   “If = you can’t be an good example, be a good = warning.”   “Instant human: Just add = coffee.”   “Raisin cookies are why I have trust = issues.”   “I’m confused. Oh, wait.…

[This was the FIRST Grif.Net ever sent out to 13 = people in 1996 . . and many still apply today. Others are so outdated = they show how MUCH the internet/computers have changed in 20+ = years.]   SIGNS YOU’VE BEEN SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME = ONLINE   *…

"Always wear a hat when feeding = seagulls." — Rocky, age 9   "Sleep in your clothes, so you’ll be dressed = for school in the morning" — Stephanie, age 8   "Don’t flush the toilet when your dad’s in the = shower." — Lamar, age 10   "Never tell…

[New year, same lousy puns on the first weekday of = every month]   There is no conclusive evidence about what happens to = old skeptics when they die, but their future is = doubtful.   Dijon vu? I’ve had the same mustard = before.   Shotgun wedding: A case…

DIALOG WITH DEPRESSION   Tossing.  Turning.  Churning.  = Antacid. Scalding tears.  = Again.  Headache.  Again.  Aspirin. Heart strings being tuned tighter and tighter, = Come on, one more notch, please…tighter.   Someday soon that string will go PING! And = There won’t be any more music in my soul. It…

If loving carbs is wrong, I don’t want to be = right.   A clean kitchen is a sign of a misspent = life.   Thou shalt not weigh more than thy = refrigerator.   Help = keep the kitchen clean – eat out.   May = the fork be…

A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen and my kitchen = is delirious.   Mom’s bed and breakfast – You make them = both.   No husband has ever been shot while doing the = dishes.   Two choices for dinner: take it or leave = it.   Never trust…

"Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like = it’s moving." ~ Rob, age 10   "Stay away from prunes." ~ Randy, age = 9   "Never dare your little brother to paint the = family car." ~ Phillip, age 13   "Forget the cake. Go for the icing." ~…

Thinking back to when I was 9 (yeah, sixty years ago) = and how life has changed since.  Not on every matter, but on so = many I’d wish it was back in a simpler time. *BACK THEN, I = asked my dad for a penny for the gumball machine.…