Grif.Net

I am PROUD to be a “fundamentalist” born-again Baptist minister for nearly 40 years. Yet I also have to laugh (rather than cry) when poking fun at some who claim this title and who take themselves too seriously! Laugh AT me or WITH me You might be giving “fundamentalists” a…

[The grif.net will be more intermittent for a few days but don’t worry, WE’LL BE BACK (much to your regrets!)] A musician who joined the cruise ship orchestra was having difficulty keeping time with the rest of the band. Finally, the captain said, “Either you learn to keep time or…

Albert Einstein was at a party in Boston and he was surrounded by a small crowd of admirers. He introduces himself to the first member of the group, and asks, “What is your IQ?” The man answers, “191.” “Wonderful!” says Einstein. “We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and…

There once was a woman who woke up one morning, Looked in the mirror, And noticed she had only three hairs on her head. ‘Well,’ she said, ‘I think I’ll braid my hair today.’ So she did and she had a wonderful day. The next day she woke up, Looked…

This is from a newsgroup that specializes in puns and word plays. Somebody wrote something about a lion, but he misspelled ‘lion’ as ‘loin’. In any other setting, people would just recognize the typo (or miss it entirely) and carry on. In this group you can bet somebody will make…

QUIZ TIME! The correct answer will contain the word “Wall”. Your task is to take the vague clue and discern WHAT “wall” is the RIGHT “wall”. Answers Monday if I can get close enough for cell connection. Ex: The 37 foot high Green Monster in Fenway Park original name [Ans:…

Raindadd sent these – transcripts of actual call center/information conversations: Customer: ‘I’ve been calling 700-1000 for two days and can’t get through. Can you help?’ Operator: ‘Where did you get that number, sir?’ Customer: ‘It’s on the door of the business.’ Operator: ‘Sir, those are the hours that they are…

A bear, a lion, and a pig meet. I know what you’re thinking – they eat the PIG…NO The bear says, “If I roar in the forest, the entire forest is shivering with fear.” The lion says, “If I roar in the jungle, the entire jungle is afraid of me.”…

[Bob forwarded this story. It sounds so real it could be true!] Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end.…

Word problems in math tests like the ACT/SAT are sometimes challenging: I put the CORRECT answer in brackets for those like me who are math-challenged!! Part One: An old clunker vehicle at 15 mpg and 12,000 miles per year uses _____ [800] gallons of gasoline a year. A new fuel-efficient…

[In response to last week’s grif.net on marriage, BJ sent this] Husband says: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you take out your frustration and control your anger. Wife says: I clean the toilet. Husband says: How does that help? Wife says: I use…

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up. 2. Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your own children. 3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals…

Dear Ma & Pa, Am well. Tell brother Walt and brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed…