Grif.Net

Word problems in math tests like the ACT/SAT are sometimes challenging: I put the CORRECT answer in brackets for those like me who are math-challenged!! Part One: An old clunker vehicle at 15 mpg and 12,000 miles per year uses _____ [800] gallons of gasoline a year. A new fuel-efficient…

[In response to last week’s grif.net on marriage, BJ sent this] Husband says: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you take out your frustration and control your anger. Wife says: I clean the toilet. Husband says: How does that help? Wife says: I use…

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up. 2. Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your own children. 3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals…

Dear Ma & Pa, Am well. Tell brother Walt and brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed…

A small town doctor was famous in the area for always catching large fish. One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips he got a call that a woman at a neighboring farm was giving birth. He rushed to her aid and delivered a healthy baby…

The Smiths were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower. Their relatives included senators and Wall Street wizards. They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their children and grandchildren and hired a fine author. Only one problem arose — how…

Two deaths this week made headlines. Actor and dancer Patrick Swayze succumbed to pancreatic cancer. And Bible teacher Paul Van Gorder. Millions were impacted when they saw Swayze in movies such as North and South, Ghost, Dirty Dancing, etc. Millions were also impacted by Van Gorder though many would not…

“Marriage is a lot like the army. Everyone complains, but you’d be surprised at the numbers that re-enlist.” – James Garner “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.” – Benjamin Franklin “Don’t assume that every sad-eyed woman has loved and lost – she may have got him.”…

[Forwarded from a preacher friend in the Sunshine State] Hey Bob – I’ve sure gotten old since we last saw each other. I’ve had 2 double by-pass surgeries, a hip replacement, and new knees. I fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet…

A man was playing chess with his dog in the backyard. A neighbor noticed and commented, “Wow, I’ve never seen a dog play chess before. She must be very smart.” “Hah!” scoffed the man. “She’s not so smart. I’ve beaten her three out of five games.” ~~   Dr Bob…

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate. Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe. After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just…

A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to “Where do pets come from?” Adam and Eve said, “Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here and it is…

RECALL NOTICE: The Maker of all human beings (GOD) is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype unit’s code named Adam and Eve, resulting…