Grif.Net

From our house to yours . . . MAY YOUR STUFFING BE TASTY, MAY YOUR TURKEY BE PLUMP. MAY YOUR POTATOES ‘N GRAVY HAVE NARY A LUMP, MAY YOUR YAMS BE DELICIOUS, MAY YOUR PIES TAKE THE PRIZE, MAY YOUR THANKSGIVING DINNER STAY OFF OF YOUR THIGHS. Gobble till you…

A recent bride called her mother one evening in tears. “Oh, Mom, I tried to make Grandma’s meat loaf for dinner tonight, and it’s just awful! I followed the recipe exactly, and I know I have the recipe right because it’s the one you gave me. But it just didn’t…

Dear Mr. Grim Reaper, So far this year you have taken away my favorite actor Patrick Swayze, my favorite entertainer Michael Jackson, and my favorite actress Farrah Fawcett. Just so you know, my favorite politician is Barack Obama. Thank you. [If you are of a more liberal persuasion, feel free…

A cowboy from Montana appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. ‘Have you ever done anything of particular merit?’ St. Peter asked. ‘Well, I can think of one thing,’ the cowboy offered. ‘On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of…

Baseball & football are the two most popular spectator sports in this country. And as such, it seems they tell us something about ourselves and our values. I enjoy comparing baseball and football: Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a 20th-century technological struggle. Baseball is played on a…

 A man was known among his friends to be very brief and to the point; he really never said too much. One day, a saleswoman promoting a certain brand of cosmetics knocked on his door and asked to see his wife. The man told her that his wife wasn’t home.…

Four expectant fathers were at Swedish Hospital in Minneapolis, while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, “Congratulations sir, you’re the father of twins.” “What a coincidence!” the man said with some obvious pride. “I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team.” The…

Three aspiring psychiatrists, from three leading universities, were attending their first class on emotional extremes. “Just to establish some parameters,” said the professor to the student from UCLA, “What is the opposite of joy?” “Sadness”, said the student. “And the opposite of depression?” he asked the young lady from Clemson.…

Top 10 things you’ll never hear any Dad say . . . 10. Well, how ’bout that? I’m lost! Looks like we’ll have to stop and ask for directions. 9. You know Pumpkin, now that you’re thirteen, you’ll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won’t that be fun? 8. I…

[A little grade school humor shared by a 6th grader with me] Q. Who was the greatest male financier in the Bible? A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation. Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible? A. Pharaoh’s daughter. She went…

[Martin Fennelly wrote this for the Tampa Tribune, Nov 11, 2009 and it brought tears to my eyes] Every once in a while a teacher invites me to speak to their high school class or college journalism course. You know, just talk about writing. When it’s time for questions, the…

Driving to work, a gentleman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policemen stopped traffic and recovered the box.…

There was this kindergartner who had a bad habit of sucking his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didn’t stop sucking his thumb, he’d get fat. A few days later, his mother had some friends over for Calli Tea. The boy pointed to an obviously pregnant woman…