The National Motorists Association made a list of the top ten states for issuing speeding tickets. I am going to list #6-10 and your job, if you accept it, is to list (in order or hey, just get them at all) #1-5 BTW, I was pleased to see Wyoming was…
09/16/10 Grif.Net – Plan your Excuse
[Missing work next Monday will take some planning for a quality, believable excuse. Muse on these for a few days then feel free to try calling in one of these to the boss.] I can’t come in to work today because I’ll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me…
09/15/10 Grif.Net – Lexophilia
Top 10 Word Plays No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationary. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it. A boiled…
09/14/10 Grif.Net – School Play
Johnny’s father picked him up from school one day. Knowing the audition results for the school play had been announced that morning, he asked his son if he got a part. Johnny excitedly exclaimed that he’d gotten a part: “I play a man who’s been married for twenty years.” “That’s…
09/13/10 Grif.Net – Flight Attendant Humor
[In honor of those flying today, I share my TOP 10 HUMOROUS ANNOUNCEMENTS by airline staff] Pilot on public intercom: “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.” —-o0o—…
09/11/10 Weekend Grif.Net – Strength from Adversity
[Remembering those who have suffered great adversity and pain in the struggle we call life] A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared, he sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then…
09/10/10 Grif.Net – Teenagers
Watching the young people walk past the house to/from high school caused me to question . . . Q. What do JC Penney’s and teenagers have in common? A. Pants 50% off. ~~ Dr Bob Griffin [email protected] www.grif.net “Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”
09/09/10 Grif.Net – Insights on Golf
[Friend who plays at golf shared these ONE-LINE insights. Most of the ONE-WORD insights I hear on the links are not fit to be on the Grif.Net] Golfers who claim they never cheat also lie. The only sure way to get a par is to leave a four-foot birdie putt…
09/08/10 Grif.Net – Bad Pun
A man goes into his shrink’s office and says, “Doc, you have got to help me! Every night I keep dreaming that I’m a sports car. The other night I dreamed I was a Trans Am. Another night I dreamed I was an Alpha Romeo. Last night I dreamed I…
09/07/10 Grif.Net – You Might be a Teacher
YOU MIGHT BE A SCHOOL TEACHER IF . . . . . you have no time for a life from August to June. . . you want to slap the next person who says, “Must be nice to work from 8 to 3 and have your summers free!” . .…
09/06/10 Grif.Net – Friendly Wager
A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easy. So the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game. The senior…
09/04/10 Weekend Grif.Net – Just Stay
A nurse took the tired, anxious serviceman to the bedside. “Your son is here,” she said to the old man. She had to repeat the words several times before the patient’s eyes opened. Heavily sedated because of the pain of his heart attack, he dimly saw the young uniformed Marine…
09/03/10 Grif.Net – Murphy’s Laws for Frequent Flyers
Murphy Laws For Frequent Flyers 1. No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight. 2. If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal. 3. If you arrive very early…