Grif.Net

[Many students are hard at work in college. Or maybe just in college. But as a retired professor, I’d like to share some tips to help in writing your papers, essays, etc] Avoid alliteration. Always. Employ the vernacular. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary. Remember…

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this,…

After the church service a little boy told the pastor, “When I grow up, I’m going to give you some money.” “Well, thank you,” the pastor replied, “but why?” “Because my daddy says you’re one of the poorest preachers we’ve ever had.” ~~ Dr Bob Griffin [email protected] www.grif.net “Jesus Knows…

[Ken forwarded this list of MORE new Dog Breeds recognized by AKC. These are combinations of existing breeds] Collie + Lhasa Apso Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport Spitz + Chow Chow Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot Pointer + Setter Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas…

(Our Titanic humor last week brought some suggestions of other jokes from avid grif.net junkies) The MIGHT have been overheard when the ship went down . . . So has the all-night buffet been cancelled? How big a carry on can I take on the lifeboat? So this isn’t New…

[Up in Alaska last week, looking up at the myriad of stars shining in the blackest of nights, brought to mind this song of my youth.] Doubt sees the obstacles, Faith sees the open way; Doubt sees the darkest night, Faith sees the sunlit day. Doubt dreads to take the…

[Returning from 2 week vacation including a CRUISE, I found myself in need of a diet. Teresa had gained back a little of the nearly 50 lbs she’d lost, but started losing again quickly on restarting the HCG Cord Diet she has at her clinic. So I made the commitment…

Saw a bunch of T-shirts in Alaska and British Columbia last couple weeks advertising places, towns, and glaciers. Yes, I have 2-3 in my dresser now. But thought THESE were more like “real life” slogans. I’m so busy I don’t know if I found a rope or lost a horse…

[On our ship dodging ice flows (no joke) in Tracy Arm Fjord in Alaska last week brought on a host of “Titanic” jokes. Here are some of the worst.] What was the last thing anyone said on the Titanic? ‘I know I ordered ice but this is ridiculous!’ The difference…

Three finalists all applied for the last available position on the Casper Police Department. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, “So y’all want to be cops, huh?” He got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder. “To be a detective…

Heavenly Father, look down on us your humble, obedient cruising servants, who are doomed to cruise this earth, taking photographs, mailing postcards, buying souvenirs, eating ourselves silly and walking around muggy Caribbean islands in drip-dry underwear. We beseech You, our Lord, to give us non-stop flights, to see that our…

[Fun poem by Shel Silverstein] My dad gave me one dollar bill ‘Cause I’m his smartest son, And I swapped it for two shiny quarters ‘Cause two is more then one! And then I took the quarters And traded them to Lou For three dimes– I guess he didn’t know…

1. (For this one, you have to know that it’s really easy to get lost in the maze of corridors and elevators on a ship.) A lady asked if this elevator went to the front of the ship. 2. Two elderly women were staring at the numbers of the floors…