Grif.Net

Since I went to college and seminary (for those who read this with amazement, yes, I’m an ordained minister as well as retired college professor) in Wisconsin and proudly wear Green and Gold for the World Champion PACKERS, I have a fondness for puns about my state. And I tend…

The teacher asked her students, “Who can tell me what the ruler of Russia was called?” “Czar,” the class replied in unison. “Correct. And what was his wife called?” “Czarina,” the class replied. “Good! And what were his children called?” A timid voice piped up. “Czardines?” [Thanks for the chuckle,…

GRANDPARENTS’ ANSWERING MACHINE Good morning. At present we are not at home Please leave your message after you hear the beep. Beeeeeppp …. If you are one of our children, press 1 and then select the option from 1 to 3 in order of “birth” so we know who it…

A boy was bagging groceries at a supermarket. One day the store installed a machine for squeezing fresh orange juice. Intrigued, the young man asked if he could be allowed to work the machine, but his request was denied. Said the store manager, “Sorry, kid, but baggers can’t be juicers.”…

I am a victim of “Class Warfare”. The folks who are getting the free stuff don’t like the folks who are paying for the free stuff (ME), because the folks who are paying for the free stuff (ME) can no longer afford to pay for both the free stuff and…

A preacher was told by his doctor that he had only a few weeks left to live. He went home feeling very sad, and when his wife heard the news she said to him, “Honey, if there’s anything I can do to make you happy, tell me.” The preacher answered,…

[JH sent in this story from England] The attendant at the gas station [yeah, I changed it since he said “petrol” and nobody talks that way around here] noticed a small penguin was sitting in the back seat of a patron’s car. The attendant just had to ask what the…

Q. What do you call a cat that ate a duck? A. A duck-filled-fatty-puss. Q. What did the cat do after he had eaten some cheese? A. He waited by a mouse hole with baited breath. Q. What do you call it when a cat stops briefly? A. A paws.…

I didn’t invent the hypothetical situation, but let’s just suppose for a second that I did. What did love say to fear? Nothing. Love knows no fear. Why do they bother saying “raw” sewage? Do some people cook that stuff? Last night I went to a 24-hour grocery. When I…

Ten Puns for the Tenth Month (thanks to BN in Casper for the forward) 1. Mixed sports reference = Football season is in full swing and soon the World Series will kickoff. 2. If you like the bizarre, there is a new TV show named Dr. Odd 3. Hickory Dickory…

James sent this information on helping children learn and keeping order in the schools posted on chalk boards in the classroom (courtesy of Sacramento School Museum). Punishment in Lashes (1848) 1. Boy and girls playing together. – 4 2. Fighting at school. – 5 3. Quarreling at school. – 5…

I asked a new employee from overseas about his family background and nationality. He replied, “Sir, our household truly represents the United Kingdom of Great Britain. I am English, my wife’s a Scot, our setter is Irish, and the baby wails.” ~~ Dr Bob Griffin [email protected] www.grif.net “Jesus Knows Me,…

Three mischievous boys went to the zoo one day on a school outing. They decided to visit the elephant enclosure, but within an hour they were picked up by a police officer for causing a commotion. The officer hauled them off to security for questioning and the zookeeper asked them…