Grif.Net

Top Ten Signs that you’re too old for “Trick or Treating” this year . . 10. You get winded from knocking on the door. 9. You have another kid chew the candy for you. 8. You ask for high fiber candy only. 7. When someone drops a candy bar in…

“The fight we had last night was my fault. My wife asked me what was on the TV and I said dust.” “Before marriage, I yearned for the woman I loved. After marriage, the ‘y’ became silent.” “Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble started…

[And room for a few more Juli’ism updates. Last one for a while, I kinda promise.] I’ve decided that I’ll never get down to my original weight and I’m OK with that. After all, 5 pounds 5 oz. is just not realistic EGSG <– Scrambled eggs. The next time someone…

I’ll name the now-famous actor/actress. You match ’em to the correct occupation they had BEFORE they got famous. Answers tomorrow. Example: Clint Eastwood = x. Swimming Pool Cleaner 1. Dan Akroid 2. Tim Allen 3. Kathy Bates 4. Marlon Brando 5. Sandra Bullock 6. Drew Carey 7. Sean Connery 8.…

I have been in many places, but I’ve never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can’t go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone. I’ve also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however, been in Sane. They don’t have an airport; you…

BIBLICAL ALPHABET Although things are not perfect Because of trial or pain Continue in thanksgiving Do not begin to blame Even when the times are hard Fierce winds are bound to blow God is forever able Hold on to what you know Imagine life without His love Joy would cease…

It’s Friday so Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. “Boss,” he says, “we’re doing some major house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling all the heavy stuff.” “We’re short-handed, Smith,” the boss replies.…

[Recently we’ve receive a rash of letters from folks who would like to work for our clinic. Here are some “phrases” that, when I read, immediately mean filing the letter in the circular file.] “I’m really anxious to work for you and to have access to all those drugs.” “I…

Heard about a gal who was on board a small two-seater airplane when suddenly the pilot had a heart attack. Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabbed the radio. “Mayday, mayday! My pilot just died!” Ground control received her call for help and answered back: “Don’t worry, ma’am.…

[Here are a few more recent daily updates of a very troubled mind] Because of tanning beds 1000 years from now archeologists will think we used to fry people as punishment… I believe a lot of conflict in the old west could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had…

[My FaceBook friend Juli gives daily status updates. I don’t sew, but they keep me in stitches. Here is another batch.] You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore. Dear Noah, We could have sworn you said the ark wasn’t leaving till…

A minister passing through his church in the middle of the day, = Decided to pause by the altar and see who had come to = pray.   Just then the back door opened, a man came down the aisle, = The minister frowned as he saw the man hadn’t…

I admit I’ve told a few jokes recently that were so punny that the only replies to these daily grif.net emails and FaceBook entries were cries of anguish from my readers heard all the way to where I live in Wyoming, as if carried on the breeze. You could say…