Grif.Net

Heard about a gal who was on board a small two-seater airplane when suddenly the pilot had a heart attack. Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabbed the radio. “Mayday, mayday! My pilot just died!” Ground control received her call for help and answered back: “Don’t worry, ma’am.…

[Here are a few more recent daily updates of a very troubled mind] Because of tanning beds 1000 years from now archeologists will think we used to fry people as punishment… I believe a lot of conflict in the old west could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had…

[My FaceBook friend Juli gives daily status updates. I don’t sew, but they keep me in stitches. Here is another batch.] You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore. Dear Noah, We could have sworn you said the ark wasn’t leaving till…

A minister passing through his church in the middle of the day, = Decided to pause by the altar and see who had come to = pray.   Just then the back door opened, a man came down the aisle, = The minister frowned as he saw the man hadn’t…

I admit I’ve told a few jokes recently that were so punny that the only replies to these daily grif.net emails and FaceBook entries were cries of anguish from my readers heard all the way to where I live in Wyoming, as if carried on the breeze. You could say…

Since I went to college and seminary (for those who read this with amazement, yes, I’m an ordained minister as well as retired college professor) in Wisconsin and proudly wear Green and Gold for the World Champion PACKERS, I have a fondness for puns about my state. And I tend…

The teacher asked her students, “Who can tell me what the ruler of Russia was called?” “Czar,” the class replied in unison. “Correct. And what was his wife called?” “Czarina,” the class replied. “Good! And what were his children called?” A timid voice piped up. “Czardines?” [Thanks for the chuckle,…

GRANDPARENTS’ ANSWERING MACHINE Good morning. At present we are not at home Please leave your message after you hear the beep. Beeeeeppp …. If you are one of our children, press 1 and then select the option from 1 to 3 in order of “birth” so we know who it…

A boy was bagging groceries at a supermarket. One day the store installed a machine for squeezing fresh orange juice. Intrigued, the young man asked if he could be allowed to work the machine, but his request was denied. Said the store manager, “Sorry, kid, but baggers can’t be juicers.”…

I am a victim of “Class Warfare”. The folks who are getting the free stuff don’t like the folks who are paying for the free stuff (ME), because the folks who are paying for the free stuff (ME) can no longer afford to pay for both the free stuff and…

A preacher was told by his doctor that he had only a few weeks left to live. He went home feeling very sad, and when his wife heard the news she said to him, “Honey, if there’s anything I can do to make you happy, tell me.” The preacher answered,…

[JH sent in this story from England] The attendant at the gas station [yeah, I changed it since he said “petrol” and nobody talks that way around here] noticed a small penguin was sitting in the back seat of a patron’s car. The attendant just had to ask what the…

Q. What do you call a cat that ate a duck? A. A duck-filled-fatty-puss. Q. What did the cat do after he had eaten some cheese? A. He waited by a mouse hole with baited breath. Q. What do you call it when a cat stops briefly? A. A paws.…