Grif.Net

Dear God, My only prayer at Christmas is for a fat bank account and a thin body. And Lord, please don’t mix these up like You did last year. Amen. ~~ Dr Bob Griffin [email protected] www.grif.net “Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

Count your blessings instead of your crosses; Count your gains instead of your losses. Count your joys instead of your woes; Count your friends instead of your foes. Count your smiles instead of your tears; Count your courage instead of your fears. Count your full years instead of your lean;…

6. Fact or Fiction: Native Americans used cranberries, now a staple of many Thanksgiving dinners, for cooking as well as medicinal purposes. Fact. According to the Cape Cod Cranberry Growers’ Association, one of the country’s oldest farmers’ organizations, Native Americans used cranberries in a variety of foods, including “pemmican” (a…

[A favorite website (history.com) has ten questions for this special day. We will share five today and five tomorrow] 1. Fact or Fiction: Thanksgiving is held on the final Thursday of November each year. Fiction. In 1863, President Abraham Lincoln designated the last Thursday in November as a national day…

Weather Report: Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 190F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for either a severe squall or cold shoulder. During the late afternoon and evening, the cold…

10. To Kill a Walking Bird 9. My Best Friend’s Dressing 8. The Texas Coleslaw Massacre 7. Casserolablanca 6. 12 Hungry Men 5. Silence of the Yams 4. For Love of the Game Hen 3. White Meat Can’t Jump 2. When Harry Met Salad and the Number 1 Thanksgiving-Themed Movie……

[The turkey does not refer to the holiday, but rather the riddles! Pretty lame, but hey, I’ve got a house overrun with 4 grandkids and it is still 4 days until Thanksgiving!] Q. What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo? A. A turkey that can…

[Traced this back – credit (I think) to Marybeth Hicks of the Washington Times] Call it an occupational hazard, but I can’t look at the Occupy Wall Street protesters without thinking, “Who parented these people?” As a culture columnist, I’ve commented on the social and political ramifications of the “movement”…

[CSR reminded me of some “laws” to which we are all subject, even though they will not be found on any tablets of stone. We adapted some, and are stunned by the validity of them all] Law of the Turkey – When getting the bits and pieces of meat off…

Grandkids are coming and my camera is broken. Trying not to have a negative attitude, so I’ll take it to the repair shop and see what develops. Give it my best shot. My photos are always bad, so some think I broke it on purpose. The truth isn’t so black…

If you have kleptomania, what’s the best thing to take for it? If you don’t pay your exorcist can you be repossessed? Are cardboard belts just a waist of paper? If an astronaut broke the law of gravity would he get a suspended sentence? When a clock is hungry, does…

[Only five days until I get to spoil four grandkids rotten. But we will have a mandatory question/answer time to be certain they inherited grandpa’s warped humor] Q: What type of book would a criminal write that explained how he couldn’t have committed the crime? A: An alibiography. Q: Which…

[LK thought I’d like this. She was right] A new business was opening and one of the owner’s friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card, “Rest in Peace.” The owner was angry and called the…