Grif.Net

The manager of a ladies’ dress shop realize that it was time to give one of her sales staff a pep talk. “Paula,” she said, “your figures are the lowest in the department by a long way. In fact, unless you can improve your sales record soon, I’m afraid I’ll…

Adapted from the great Christian book “Choose Joy” by Kay Warren. Fantastic insights by this dear lady! “I was watching ‘Winnie-the-Pooh” with my children years ago when it hit me: my husband is just like TIGGER! That launched me into assigning characters to other people I know, and the Winnie-the-Pooh…

“The man who smiles when things go wrong has already thought of someone to blame it on.” – Robert Bloch “Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.” – Maryon Pearson “Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.” Lily Tomlin “The only way to keep your health…

[Okay. Grandkids are gone. Quiet and lonely around here. And I came across some jokes I’d set aside to try-out on them. Tough. So you all get the left over jokes for grade-schoolers. Some might even be good.] Did you hear about the man who opened a flea circus? He…

After taxiing down the runway, the airliner suddenly stopped, then turned around and returned to the gate. About an hour later it finally took off. I was worried, so I asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem?” “The pilot was very concerned about the noise one of the engines…

[Credit for this forward to SM, but hope his wife doesn’t find out] The later you are, the more excited your dog is to see you. A dog’s parents never visit you. Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions. Dogs like it if you leave things on…

[Forwarded from CSR who should know] HOW TO INSTALL A SOUTHERN HOME SECURITY SYSTEM 1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14-16 men’s work boots. 2. Place them on your front porch, along with an old, well-read copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine. 3. Put four giant…

1. Your thumb is nearest to you. So begin your prayers by praying for those closest to you. They are the easiest to remember. To pray for our loved ones is, as C. S. Lewis once said, a “sweet duty.” 2. The next finger is the pointing finger. Pray for…

This is an old grif.net first sent out by me in 1997!! Obviously back in circulation and many re-sent it to me during this heat wave, saying it sounded “just like my sort of humor”. It was! So will recycle again this summer because it IS so hot that .…

[ML sent this with the reminder for us grandparents to ‘make sure you understand the question before you give an answer’] An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him, “Grandpa, what is couple sex?” The grandfather was surprised that she would ask…

Does the length of ‘in a minute’ depend on which side of the bathroom door you’re on? If money doesn’t grow on trees then why do banks have branches? If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call? Why do you have to “put your two cents…

I ventured into a local bakery, carefully examining all the rich looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases. A clerk approached me and asked, “What would you like?” So I answered, “I’d like that chocolate covered donut with sprinkles, a Bavarian cream-filled bismark, a raspberry jelly donut, two…

I Cor 3:8 “The man who plants and the man who waters have one purpose, and each will be rewarded according to his own labor.” Walking through the forest, a seasoned hiker came upon a broad, slowly moving river. He stopped to gaze over the waters, appreciating the beauty, when…