Grif.Net

After a rough first week in school, little first grader Jacob came up to Mrs. Nelson and surprised his teacher by tapping her on the shoulder and saying, “I don’t want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don’t get better grades on my tests next week, somebody…

LB in Mississippi forwarded some thoughts on aging. (Unlike me, he IS old). ~Today is the oldest I’ve ever been, yet the youngest I’ll ever be. ~Your kids are becoming you … but your grandchildren are perfect! ~Going OUT is good. Coming HOME is better! ~You forget names … But…

Just got back from Southern California. Heard about a police officer who stopped a gal for speeding on the 405 (evidently that DOES rarely happen) and asked her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys could get your act together.…

‘We’ve lost too much to the Indian princess at that card game,’ declared Capt. John Smith of Jamestown. ‘We should try to win at other games, but we can’t let poker haunt us.’ ~~ Dr Bob Griffin [email protected] www.grif.net “Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

The armies of Israel looked at the giant Goliath through the eyes of man and said, “He’s too big to beat.” David looked at him through the eyes of God and said, “He’s too big to miss.” ~~ Dr Bob Griffin [email protected] www.grif.net “Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

Here is some sanguine ‘advice to live by’ from my yoda-like years of experience. Remember, you heard it here: If at first you don’t succeed, try the outfield. Silence is golden, duct tape is silver. Therapy is expensive. Bubble wrap is cheap. You choose. The cost of living hasn’t affected…

[Terry shared this on FB and I blatantly stole it. Trusting it was not biographical.] The wife was screaming at her Husband: “Leave! Get out of this house!” she ordered. As he was walking out the door she added, “And I hope you die a slow and painful death!” He…

[Jack forwarded this story] My six-year-old grandson called his mother from his friend Charlie’s house and confessed he had broken a lamp when he threw a football in their living room. “But, Mom,” he said, brightening, “you don’t have to worry about buying another one. Charlie’s mother said it was…

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. “I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after…

[Cruise directors have stolen great lines from late night comedians, but these “questions” asked by passengers are some of the best] What time is the Midnight Buffet? Does the water go all round the Island? Will this elevator take me to the front of the ship? How far are we…

[Flew home midnight flight and just printed out my sermon for tomorrow on the surety of the Resurrection. Love this epitaph of Benjamin Franklin] The body of Benjamin Franklin, printer, (Like the cover of an old book, its contents worn out and stripped of its lettering and gilding) Lies here,…

Overheard on our cruise this past week: There was some mix-up with a woman’s room. The clerk (or whatever they are called on ships) was trying to remedy the situation. He asked, “Would you like an inside cabin or an outside cabin?” She replied, “Well, it looks like it might…

I was at my son’s last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper. ‘This is the 21st century,’ Josh said. ‘I don’t waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad.’ I can tell you this, that fly never knew what hit him. ~~ Dr Bob…