Grif.Net

{Here are more jokes that allow you to change the subject/butt of the joke to suit the audience. Feel free to change the CAPITALIZED subject to suit your personal prejudices, political leaning, hair color, state/country of origin or profession.] Jack and his companions were in a hot air balloon which…

[15+ years ago, Randy Miller sends this collection of bagpipe jokes for Grif.Net readers. They may be used with ANY INSTRUMENT (oboe, clarinet, cello) of your displeasure.] Q. How do you get two bagpipes to play a perfect unison? A. Shoot one. — Q. What’s the difference between a bagpipe…

[Many jokes allow you to change the subject/butt of the joke to suit the audience. Feel free to change the CAPITALIZED subject to suit your personal prejudices, political leaning, hair color, state/country of origin or profession. You’re welcome!] The Tooth Fairy, an Honest POLITICIAN and Davy Crockett were walking along…

My wife was pulled over by a trooper who said she was weaving. She replied, “I was not. I was crocheting.” For a REAL sponge cake, BORROW all the ingredients. Never buy a pit-bull from a one armed man. I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done. I…

God bless our veterans this Armistice Day weekend. I read a story of a soldier who was severely injured in an explosion Iraq. His face was badly disfigured, and he lost his eyesight as well as both hands. He was just a new Christian, and one of his greatest disappointments…

Mary had a little lamb, its fleece was slightly grey, It didn’t have a father, just some borrowed DNA. It sort of had a mother, though the ovum was on loan, It was not so much a lambkin, as a little lamby clone. And soon it had a fellow clone,…

ON PUBLISHING: “Send in the details. Never mind the facts.” (Telegram from editor of New York World to his Washington correspondent) ON SPELLING: “This ain’t the way to spell my name.” (Baseball legend Yogi Berra when given a check saying “Pay to Bearer”) ON SUCCESS, EARLY SIGNS OF: “In the…

Some jokes are written. Even if they are stolen by other people, it’s not hard to track them down and find the original source. Other jokes form in the ‘ether’. They are the jokes forwarded to you by your parents, tweeted by fake celebrity accounts, posted on the Grif.Net by…

A piece of country road walked into the cafe and declared to all its occupants: “I’m the hardest bit of asphalt in the whole area!” The waitress stopped in her tracks and everyone was silent. After a brief pause, all eyes drop, the waitress starts to clear off a table,…

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers. I’m not just a gardener, I’m a Plant Manager. If idiots could fly, then the Grif.Net would be an airport. God did…

A king who did not believe in the goodness of God, had a slave who, in all circumstances would always say “My king, do not be discouraged, because everything God does is perfect. He makes no mistakes!” One day they went hunting and along the way a wild animal attacked…

“Sic semper tyrannus.” (Your dinosaur is ill.) “Veni, vidi, Pesci.” (I came, I saw, I moidered da bum.) “No Quid Pro Quo.” (I’m Sorry, We’re All Out of Quid.) “E pluribus septum” (Multiple nose piercings.) “Revelare Pecunia!” (Show Me The Money!) “Ignoramus microsoftis multa pecunia dat.” (They want me to…

I’d use hair dye but I don’t like to go against the grayin’ ~~ A couple of clams were eating chocolate bars while two fish watched. “Did you see that?” one fish said, as the clams finished their treat. “They didn’t offer us a single bite!” “What do you expect?”…