Grif.Net

As a pastor I enjoy reading of OTHER preacher’s faux pas from the pulpit or in a bulletin, etc. But really chuckled over this one. The pastor was talking about the baptism of Jesus from the Gospel of Mark (1:9). He didn’t quite have the words in the correct order.…

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else. In my next life I’m going to have more memory installed. Congratulation! You just won the Norwegian Lottery! 1,000,000 Lutefisk – 55 a day for 50 years! OK, so what’s the speed of dark? Friends may come and go, but enemies tend…

Working on a speech illustrating “aging”. Found some interesting quotations for encouragement: George Burns, “You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.” Ashleigh Brilliant, “I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.” Joan Rivers, “Time may be…

Rule #8: Never buy a man anything that says “some assembly required” on the box. (It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over. No one knows why.) Rule #9: Good places to shop for men include Iron Works, Lumber Liquidators, Home Depot, John Deere,…

Ladies: You survived “Black Friday”. Today is “Cyber Monday”. But many, I’m afraid, still need help gift shopping for the man in your life. Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems. Rule #1: When…

Jenny was so happy about the house they had found. For once in her life ’twas on the right side of town. She unpacked her things with such great ease. As she watched her new curtains blow in the breeze. How wonderful it was to have her own room. School…

I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone. Work is for people who don’t know how to fish. Someday we’ll look back on all this and plow into…

Christian: Grandpa, what is the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer? G’pa: I don’t know Christian: A pirate buries his treasures and the farmer treasures his berries. ~~ Austin: Grandma, do you think a turkey is a better drummer than me? G’ma: Maybe. Remember it was born with…

G’ma: What would you like for dessert? Jonah: Pumpkin pie! G’ma: Pumpkin pie, what, dear? Say the magic word. Jonah: I’m sorry, Grandma. Pumpkin pie, abracadabra! ~~ G’pa: No turkey to eat this year. It was arrested by the Casper police? Jadin: Why, Grandpa? G’pa: I think it was using…

“Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading”. ~~Thomas Jefferson Ten Insights from Gun Owners: 1. Guns have only two natural enemies: rust and liberal politicians. 2. It is always better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6. 3. Police carry guns to…

Flying home from the conference and activities of Texas today (Cowboys won in OT; what a great way to cap the week), and want to spend some special time with the bride when I get back. Asked her what she wanted to make it special. She suggested, in her subtle…

15+ years ago, Wichita pastor Joe Wright offered a prayer before the Kansas State Legislature in Topeka. When he finished, three members jumped to their feet and indignantly shouted, “He can’t talk like that!” One representative called the prayer “gross, divisive, sanctimonious, and overbearing.” Another called it “blasphemous and ignorant.”…

[And of course, we have even MORE Bagpipe jokes. BTW, these are classic “FlexiJokes” so you may interchange bagpipe with the instrument of your choice that you wish to deride. Drummer. Cello. Saxophone. All fair game!] Q. What’s the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead…