Grif.Net

Several folk in our office were sitting in the break room having a coffee break one morning. One of them opened up the newspaper and read everyone’s horoscope. When she finished, a colleague asked her about her personal belief regarding horoscopes. “Gwen,” she said, “Do you really believe in astrology?”…

[Taken from: “The Ozarks Sentinel” Editorial Page; interesting thoughts on a controversial subject] Is Missouri the “smartest state in the union” since it has no illegal’s? And folks around America are asking, “Shouldn’t MY state do the same?” Missouri’s approach to the problem of illegal immigration appears to be more…

The Michaels family owned a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for generations. Mrs. Michaels, who had just celebrated her ninetieth birthday, lived on the farm with her…

Housecleaning Rationale from Teresa (my wife) I don’t do windows because I love birds and don’t want one to run into a clean window and get hurt. I don’t wax floors because I am terrified a guest will slip and get hurt then I’ll feel terrible (plus they may sue…

I had always talked about my job a lot at home, and my young daughter had always expressed great interest. So I thought it would be a treat for her to spend the day with me at the office. Since I wanted it to be a surprise, I didn’t tell…

[Knock, Knock book and Joke Book kept kids from being bored in the boring wastes driving across South Dakota . . and ramped up their inventory of really lame jokes. So if I have to suffer, YOU have to suffer.] Q: What happened to the boy who drank eight Cokes?…

[Natalie, age 9, delivered me her “ten favorite” knock knock jokes to share on the Grif.Net. Hard when the book has 1001 and she likes them ALL.] Knock, knock. Who’s there? Gretta. Gretta who? Gretta long, little doggie. Gretta long. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Uriah. Uriah who? Keep Uriah on…

A lady in a faded gingham dress and her husband, dressed in a homespun threadbare suit, stepped off the train in Boston, and walked timidly without an appointment into the president’s outer office. The secretary could tell in a moment that such backwoods, country hicks had no business at Harvard…

[Daughter Lyssa and my wife are in Salt Lake at a convention, so grandkids are here with Mike and me. Bought them joke books. Knock-knock jokes are coming. THEIR choice of “fodder” for upcoming Grif.Net blogs. Here is a batch of dinosaur jokes.] Why did the Archaeopteryx catch the worm?…

[Gleaned from friends; some of these are funny, most cause a small smile rather than guffaw. But good advice.] Only 5% of the world has ever flown in an airplane. Never close the shade. Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway. When beauty begins on the inside,…

[Not sure I should have cut corners and gotten a “budget” mom-and-pop motel on my trip to Michigan. Here were some clues . . . ] **The “complimentary” paper tells you that President Nixon has resigned. **The mint on the pillow starts moving when you come close to it. **There…

Given a chance, matches will find a way to get wet. Your side of the tent is the side that leaks. Always. All foods assume a uniform taste, texture, and color when freeze-dried. When reading the instructions of a pump-activated water filter, “hour” should be substituted for “minute” when reading…

[In my lifetime I’ve down a lot of camping. Here is some unsolicited advice and opinions on the subject.] Any stone in a hiking boot migrates to the point of maximum pressure. The distance to a given camp site remains constant as twilight approaches. The number of mosquitoes at any…