Grif.Net

WELCOME TO THE 21ST CENTURY! Our new watchword is “Less” *Our Phones ~ Wireless *Our Cooking ~ Fireless *Our Cars ~ Keyless *Our Food ~ Fatless *Our Tires ~ Tubeless *Our Dress ~ Sleeveless *Our Youth ~ Jobless *Our Attitude ~ Careless *Our Wives ~ Fearless *Our Babies ~ Fatherless…

[Andy forwarded this thought-provoking fable and said it reminded him of me. Hmmm.] One day an old German Shepherd started chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he was lost. Wandering about, he noticed a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch. The old dog…

I do not choose to be a common man. It is my right to be uncommon, if I can. ~ I seek opportunity, not security. ~ I do not wish to be a kept citizen, humbled, dulled, by having the state look after me. ~ I want to take the…

An elderly man was stopped by the police around 2 AM and was asked where he was going at that time of night. The man replied very seriously, “I’m on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse, smoking, and staying out late, and the effects it has on the…

[Lenora shares this wonderful compilation of truths about politics that is making the rounds on the ‘net:] The problem with political jokes is they get elected. ~ Henry Cate, VII We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. ~ Aesop If God wanted us to…

What do you call an overweight psychic? A four chin teller. ~~ If you can think of a better pun about fish, please let minnow. ~~ For Sale: Wedding Dress. Perfect Condition. Altared Once ~~ Dr Bob Griffin [email protected] www.grif.net “Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

[My favorite speech teacher forwarded this story by an author known only as “Pat”] The yellow shirt had long sleeves, four extra-large pockets trimmed in black thread and snaps up the front. It was faded from years of wear, but still in decent shape. I found it in 1963 when…

[E.S. said his dear, widowed mother sent this to him and it sounded like something I’d use. Nope. Won’t use it. Sorry. Maybe.] The middle-aged couple had finally learned how to send and receive texts on their cell phones. The wife, being a romantic at heart, decided one day that…

I had a dream I was a muffler and I woke up exhausted. Today I gave my dead batteries away, free of charge. I’m going to stand outside by the corn. So if anyone asks, tell them “he is outstanding in his field”. The past, present and future walk into…

A police rookie was asked during an exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?” He said, “Call for backup.” ~~ A friend said she’d just opened a new restaurant and called the place Karma. Evidently there’s no menu, and you just get what you…

[Grif.Net readers GROAN when I feature kids jokes, but I get more positive feedback on them than just about any other humor. So HERE ARE SOME MORE!] Q: What do you call a guy who never passes gas in public? A: A private tutor. Q: Why did the cross-eyed teacher…

[Some grif.net “humor” goes over the heads of the little ones, so collected these for the grandkids to enjoy. Adults may groan appropriately.] Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An Impasta Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? (don’t ever do this, kids) A:…

‘You’re just out of date,’ said a young Pastor Bate To one of our faithful old preachers Who had carried for years, in travail and tears, The Gospel to poor, sinful creatures. ‘You still preach on Hades, and shock cultured ladies With your barbarous doctrine of blood; You’re so far…