Grif.Net

There was a group of women at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband. They were asked, “How many of you love your husbands?” Of course, all the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, “When was the last time you told your…

Did you know that a TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer? Did you know that driving thru the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally is a really bad time for your car horn to stick? Did you know that “vegetarian” is an old Indian word for…

A friend (who also shares the great name of Bob) said “Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn’t you say? I read – ‘Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter’ in the Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or…

[More useful phrases for teachers to remember when dealing with students, parents or the administration in weeks to come. You’re welcome.] I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but…

A farmer was driving very slowly along the road with a load of fertilizer. A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, “What’ve you got in your wagon?” “Manure,” the farmer replied. “What are you going to do with it?” asked the little boy. “Put…

[Yep. Gotta have some bad puns and word play every few months about COFFEE!] Does my coffee taste like mud because it was ground a couple of minutes ago? Is the crime of stealing someone’s coffee listed as a ‘mugging’? When he spilled coffee on her shirt she showed him…

[Bro Al forwarded this letter. It’s been around the ‘net a while, but modified a bit and brought a wry smile] Dear Reverend Paul, We recently received an application from you for service under our mission board. It is our policy to be frank and open as possible with all…

[Here are a few phrases I’ve found useful over the years to evaluate, students, fellow teachers, administrators and staff] You sound reasonable…Time to up my medication How about never? Is never good for you? I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. Someday, we’ll look…

Multiple Choice Questions 1. ___% of Frosted Flakes are consumed by adults. [18%, 31%, 46%, 72%] 2. ___________ produces four the top five most popular cereals in America. [Kellogg, Post, General Mills, Quaker] 3. An ice cream dessert bar has about 20% sugar content. Sugar Smacks has about ___% sugar…

[The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s “driving school” – special Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders] Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can’t see my license plate.…

I was asked what I thought the favorite pies in all of America were. I joked Pizza pie and got a dirty look. I suggested 3.14159 and found my humor was underwhelming. So I guessed pecan, blueberry, pumpkin, chocolate creme, and apple – my top five. THREE OF THESE WERE…

[Feel free to borrow any without attribution. I did.] Ack! There’s too much blood in my caffeine stream! I just wish once someone would call me “Sir” without adding, “You’re making a scene.” I like the word “indolence.” It makes my laziness seem classy. Help! I keep hitting ESC but…

The World Health Organization released “Murder Statistics” for the world. Here are murders per 100,000 citizens: Honduras 91.6 El Salvador 69.2 Cote d’lvoire 56.9 Jamaica 52.2 Venezuela 45.1 Belize 41.4 Virgin Islands 39.2 Guatemala 38.5 Saint Kits and Nevis 38.2 Zambia 38.0 Uganda 36.3 Malawi 36.0 Lesotho 35.2 Trinidad and…