Grif.Net

[You will be worshiped as near-deity for bringing up such useless information the next time your friends get talking about cars] Q: Who opened the first drive-in gas station? A: Gulf Oil Q: What was the first official White House car? A: A 1909 White Steamer, ordered by President Taft…

[My old friend Chuck shared his thoughts on some of the tension in America over racial issues. I liked his appeal to go back 50 years to the thinking of Dr. King] “Let it be known to all persons that I stand AGAINST ‘racial profiling’ – racial profiling AS DEFINED…

[Ken, who is a few clowns short of a circus, has been digging around an old Grif.Net (July 1, 2011) and came up with some of our really LAME jokes. So I thought I’d give him some LAMER, er BETTER jokes for him to chew on] Why can’t clown noses…

[An avid grif.net reader in NE India send the “top” – in her opinion – jokes from that part of the world. You judge.] A Teacher lecturing on population stated that in India every 10 seconds a woman gives birth to a baby. His student stood up and said, “We…

Jack shared . . My wife and I had just started our diet, but when we pulled into a fast-food restaurant, she ordered a milkshake with her burger. I pointed out that a shake isn’t exactly the best snack for someone who wants to lose weight. She agreed, but was…

News Briefs: Apple’s new operating system lets users give Siri a male-sounding voice. The sad part is that every time you ask him a question, he says, “Let me ask my wife” and then it’s right back to the female voice. I loved the “Lethal Weapon” movies. Mel Gibson is…

[First of the month and my duty is to find lame and pathetic puns. This month also contains sacrilege. You’re welcome.] Forrest Gump’s internet password is 1Forrest1 ~~~ A backward poet writes inverse. ~~ A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. ~~ I’ve heard that Sea…

[How we look at things and how we describe them often is a good indication if we are a DEMOCRAT or REPUBLICAN, a LIBERAL or CONSERVATIVE. See if YOU can tell the difference.] Arsenal of Attack Weapons . . . or Gun Collection Delicate Wetlands . . . or Swamp…

When you take a long time, you’re slow. When your boss takes a long time, he’s thorough. When you don’t do it, you’re lazy. When your boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy. When you make a mistake, you’re an idiot. When your boss makes a mistake, he’s only human.…

A young engineer was leaving the office at 6 p.m. when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. “Listen,” said the CEO, “this is important, and my secretary has left for the day. Can you make this thing work?”…

Years ago Ann Landers printed these answers by fifth and sixth graders to various science test questions: “The law of gravity says it’s no fair jumping up without coming back down.” “You can listen to thunder and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don’t hear it,…

[I have noticed at our bank that there are two types of people driving into the ATM lane. The division often, coincidentally, by gender. Wonder which are guys and which are gals? Hmm.] TYPE 1: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Insert card 3. Enter PIN number and account 4.…

[Advice found on FaceBook:] ~ Silence is golden. Unless you have a preschooler, then silence is suspicious. ~ Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor’s office is full of portraits by Picasso. ~ When a man marries a woman, they become one; the trouble starts when they try to…