Grif.Net

[Online answers for a Dating Site gathered from all over the ‘net. And LOVE the last one!] “I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.” “I’ve never been married, but I tell people that I’m divorced so they won’t think something’s wrong with me.” “Not sure why I’m…

[Yes, first of the month and time for some clever, witty, humorous or droll word-play. Or the normal grif.net lame puns. You’re welcome.] I found that reading while sun-bathing actually makes a person well red. ~~ I support the yogurt industry. It’s the only culture some people will ever have.…

[I am happy to have lost 110# and kept it off. Except when I go on vacation or a cruise . . or have the grandkids for 15 days of non-stop feasting. So am back on my diet for a couple weeks to shed the 20# I gained. Which causes…

[Some thought-provoking questions? Some funny, some deep.] What if the Indiana Jones movies are just the dreams of Han Solo while frozen in carbonite? What if “Get Out of Jail Free” cards worked in real life? Would people steal Monopoly Games off store shelves? What if telephones automatically cut off…

Several folk in our office were sitting in the break room having a coffee break one morning. One of them opened up the newspaper and read everyone’s horoscope. When she finished, a colleague asked her about her personal belief regarding horoscopes. “Gwen,” she said, “Do you really believe in astrology?”…

[Taken from: “The Ozarks Sentinel” Editorial Page; interesting thoughts on a controversial subject] Is Missouri the “smartest state in the union” since it has no illegal’s? And folks around America are asking, “Shouldn’t MY state do the same?” Missouri’s approach to the problem of illegal immigration appears to be more…

The Michaels family owned a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for generations. Mrs. Michaels, who had just celebrated her ninetieth birthday, lived on the farm with her…

Housecleaning Rationale from Teresa (my wife) I don’t do windows because I love birds and don’t want one to run into a clean window and get hurt. I don’t wax floors because I am terrified a guest will slip and get hurt then I’ll feel terrible (plus they may sue…

I had always talked about my job a lot at home, and my young daughter had always expressed great interest. So I thought it would be a treat for her to spend the day with me at the office. Since I wanted it to be a surprise, I didn’t tell…

[Knock, Knock book and Joke Book kept kids from being bored in the boring wastes driving across South Dakota . . and ramped up their inventory of really lame jokes. So if I have to suffer, YOU have to suffer.] Q: What happened to the boy who drank eight Cokes?…

[Natalie, age 9, delivered me her “ten favorite” knock knock jokes to share on the Grif.Net. Hard when the book has 1001 and she likes them ALL.] Knock, knock. Who’s there? Gretta. Gretta who? Gretta long, little doggie. Gretta long. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Uriah. Uriah who? Keep Uriah on…

A lady in a faded gingham dress and her husband, dressed in a homespun threadbare suit, stepped off the train in Boston, and walked timidly without an appointment into the president’s outer office. The secretary could tell in a moment that such backwoods, country hicks had no business at Harvard…

[Daughter Lyssa and my wife are in Salt Lake at a convention, so grandkids are here with Mike and me. Bought them joke books. Knock-knock jokes are coming. THEIR choice of “fodder” for upcoming Grif.Net blogs. Here is a batch of dinosaur jokes.] Why did the Archaeopteryx catch the worm?…