Grif.Net

[Bro Al forwarded this letter. It’s been around the ‘net a while, but modified a bit and brought a wry smile] Dear Reverend Paul, We recently received an application from you for service under our mission board. It is our policy to be frank and open as possible with all…

[Here are a few phrases I’ve found useful over the years to evaluate, students, fellow teachers, administrators and staff] You sound reasonable…Time to up my medication How about never? Is never good for you? I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. Someday, we’ll look…

Multiple Choice Questions 1. ___% of Frosted Flakes are consumed by adults. [18%, 31%, 46%, 72%] 2. ___________ produces four the top five most popular cereals in America. [Kellogg, Post, General Mills, Quaker] 3. An ice cream dessert bar has about 20% sugar content. Sugar Smacks has about ___% sugar…

[The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s “driving school” – special Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders] Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can’t see my license plate.…

I was asked what I thought the favorite pies in all of America were. I joked Pizza pie and got a dirty look. I suggested 3.14159 and found my humor was underwhelming. So I guessed pecan, blueberry, pumpkin, chocolate creme, and apple – my top five. THREE OF THESE WERE…

[Feel free to borrow any without attribution. I did.] Ack! There’s too much blood in my caffeine stream! I just wish once someone would call me “Sir” without adding, “You’re making a scene.” I like the word “indolence.” It makes my laziness seem classy. Help! I keep hitting ESC but…

The World Health Organization released “Murder Statistics” for the world. Here are murders per 100,000 citizens: Honduras 91.6 El Salvador 69.2 Cote d’lvoire 56.9 Jamaica 52.2 Venezuela 45.1 Belize 41.4 Virgin Islands 39.2 Guatemala 38.5 Saint Kits and Nevis 38.2 Zambia 38.0 Uganda 36.3 Malawi 36.0 Lesotho 35.2 Trinidad and…

[Here are some financial one-liners to end the week] The most prosperous investor was Noah. He floated stock while everything around him went into liquidation. My wife and I have a joint account. I deposit money and she spends it. Why is money called “dough”? Because we all knead it.…

[Clever and lame word plays. You decide.] I used to be a banker but I lost interest. A bank manager without anyone around may find himself aloan. During an earthquake in California a bank went into default. When I asked if I could get insurance if the nearby volcano erupted…

The economy of Greece is in Ruins. But hasn’t it always been? Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke has kept working for years after he stated he was leaving. When asked, Bernanke replied, “Where else would I get a job in this lousy economy?” Michelle and Sasha Obama took more trips…

The economy is so bad, I saw the CEO of Wal-Mart shopping at Wal-Mart The economy is so bad, Bill Gates had to switch to dial-up The economy is so bad, Barack Obama changed his slogan to “Maybe We Can!” The economy’s so bad, Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen The…

[Thought a week of humor, satire and jokes about money might help us through the dog days of summer and my questionable money-management concerns.] My new motto: “Money can’t buy poverty” My bank in Detroit returned my check “Insufficient funds”. I am confused and wonder “them or me”? My question…

[Mary forwarded this pithy story. Lots of truth in it.] An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids. He applies for a janitor’s job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test. The human resources manager tells him, “You will be…