Grif.Net

[These were posted on an Australian tourism website, and the answers are the actual responses by the website official . . with a great sense of humor] Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK). A:…

Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children. One day I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her needle. ‘No, no, no!’ she screamed. ‘Lizzie,’ scolded her mother, ‘that’s not polite behavior.’ With that, the girl yelled even louder, ‘No,…

[‘Tis the Season for all things football, so I thought the repeat of an old Grif.Net blog from 15+ years ago seemed appropriate. Defining Church activity in football terms:] Quarterback Sneak – Church members quietly leaving during the final song. Draw Play – What many children do with the bulletin…

A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, “The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to a pillar of salt.” The boy looked up at Dad wide-eyed, thought about…

Recently I came across a wonderful hymn set to the old English air “The Ash Grove” and was amazed to see it was Sarah Doudney’s handiwork. (see Saturday Oct 5th’s Grif.Net for her story and another poem) It was first sung at the funeral of Charles Haddon Spurgeon. THE MASTER…

A mother and her 6-year old son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. “What are you doing?” his mother asked. “The box says you can’t eat them if the seal…

[Had stories of a 3 year old and 4 year old in the last two grif.net entries. Might as well try to go three-for-three with a 5 year old’s story today] On the first day of school this fall, the kindergarten teacher said, “If anyone has to go to the…

A four-year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left was on the right foot. She said, “Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet.” He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, “Don’t kid me, Mom. I KNOW they’re MY feet.” ~~…

A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, “There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens.” “How did you know?” his mother asked. “Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,” he replied. “I think it’s printed…

FAVORITE HYMNS FOR VARIOUS OCCUPATIONS The Dentist’s Hymn = “Crown Him with Many Crowns” The TV Weatherman’s Hymn = “There Shall be Showers of Blessing” The Contractor’s Hymn = “The Church’s One Foundation” The Tailor’s Hymn = “Holy, Holy, Holy” The Golfer’s Hymn = “There is a Green Hill Far…

1. The coach never came to visit me. 2. Every time I went, they asked me for money. 3. The people sitting in my row didn’t seem very friendly. 4. The seats were very hard. 5. The referees made a decision I didn’t agree with. 6. I was sitting with…

Dana Perino (FOX News) described an interview she recently had with a Navy SEAL. After discussing all the countries that he had been sent to, she asked if they had to learn several languages? “Oh, no ma’am, we don’t go there to talk.” ~~ Conversation overheard on the VHF Guard…

“A cookbook is being compiled by the ladies of the church. Please submit your favorite recipe, along with a short antidote for it.” “The ‘Over Sixties’ choir will disband for the winter, with the thanks of the entire congregation.” “Next Sunday after the service will be a Vegetarian Chili Supper,…