Grif.Net

[No cease fire in sight, Mr Kerry. They keep lobbing in one bad joke after another. Incoming!] Q. Why are elephants wrinkled? A. Have you ever tried to iron one? Q. What do you call bears with no ears? A. B. Q. Where do rich squirrels live? A. In the…

Q. Why did the police give a ticket to the dog for giving birth to puppies in the park? A. She was fined for littering. Q. What do they call a mustard-colored dog? A. A Gulden Retriever. Q. What did the hot dog ask the bun? A. Are you pure…

[According to a Gallop Poll I should try to halter these animal jokes and word plays.] Q. What do you call a horse that lives next door? A. A neigh-bor. Q. What type of horses only go out after dark? A. Nightmares. Q. What did the colt say when it…

[Another animal with LOTS of really lame laughs and giggles. Here are some floating on the ‘net that should have long-ago sunk to the bottom. Maybe they have.] Q. What happened to the cat who swallowed the ball of wool she played with? A. She had mittens. Q. Why don’t…

A college student was in a philosophy class which had a discussion about God’s existence. The professor presented the following logic: “Has anyone in this class heard God?” Nobody spoke. “Has anyone in this class touched God?” Again, nobody said a word. “Has anyone in this class seen God?” For…

[I’ve always wanted to make a Grif.Net full of one-liners about cows but I’ve been afraid I’d butcher it.] Cows only make noise when they’re in the mood. I was told that a cow with short legs gives dragon milk. Calves take well to bottle feeding since one nipple is…

A stingy old miser was seriously ill and determined to prove wrong the old saying, “You can’t take it with you.” He told his wife to go down to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillowcases. His plan was to secretly stash the bags directly over his…

[Found these descriptions of life from friends and acquaintances posting on the internet] I used a chemistry pun on the Grif.Net once, but got no reaction. I have a dentist who simply loves working on my teeth. He may be abscessive compulsive. I used to do balance and rotations at…

[Another old-but-good rerun – it is summer and hot and I just flew back in at midnight from the Left coast] A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office for his checkup. Afterward the doctor took the wife aside and said, “Unless you do the following things, your husband…

[This is an old story with lots of variation, but still brought a smile] Ted and Marsha had some previous up’s and down’s in their marriages when they were younger, but now at retirement age they were sure they’d found the right one. The bride-to-be was obviously stressed out, and…

[Barnabas forwarded this and it is marvelous! Scroll down slowly and read carefully to receive and enjoy full effect] The following is the philosophy of Charles Schulz, the creator of the ‘Peanuts’ comic strip. You don’t have to actually answer the questions. Just ponder on them. Just read the e-mail…

At the clinic our “front” computer (with mailing lists, pricing points, correspondence – really not the important computers the doctors use) simply quit. Kaput. Nothing. So looking to get an inexpensive replacement desk top unit, and copy the old hard drive. Our biggest fear, of course, is blowing $$$ on…

Here are some things you should learn NOT to say to a Police Officer that pulls you over for speeding next time . . ~ Hey, you must’ve been doin’ at least 125mph to keep up with me! ~ Sorry, officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.…