Grif.Net

One Sunday = morning at a small southern church, the new pastor called on one of his = older deacons to lead in the opening prayer. The deacon stood up, bowed = his head and said, "Lord, I hate = buttermilk." The pastor opened = one eye and wondered where…

[It’s been a long week = and I feel older. So here’s what I’m = thinking.] What does a pirate say when = he turns eighty?“Aye, Matey.”   ~~ I was = reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got = pick-pocketed. My first reaction was wondering how anyone…

A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class = about the difference between right and wrong.   "All right children, let’s take another = example," she said. "If I were to get into a man’s pocket and = take his billfold with all his money, what would I be?" =…

From the Flat Earth Society: “Come join us! We = have meetings all over the globe”   From Weight = Watchers: “Meeting in Fellowship Hall. Use the wide double doors = at the end of the corridor”   From = Self-Esteem Workshop: “Tonight’s lecture in basement. Use = entrance from…

1. Pocahontas and William Shakespeare died less than a = year apart just over 100 miles apart.   2. The State = of Maine has more black bears than black people.   3. 8 of = every 10 baby boys born in the Soviet Union in 1923 did not survive…

[Albert Einstein, = Dennis the Menace and I share today’s birthday.  I’m = working on “status updates” for my birthday. Or maybe = not.  Here are a few possibilities.] Birthdays are = nature’s way of telling me to eat more cake and not worry about the = weight. As long…

Dust if you must . . . but wouldn’t it be = betterTo paint a picture, or write a letter? Bake a cake, or plant a seed? Ponder the difference between want and need. =   Dust if you must . . . but there is not much = time,With…

[Dads. Lame jokes.  Can’t live with them, = and can’t live with them.]   My wife told = me to quit impersonating a flamingo.  I had to put my foot = down.   I bought shoes from my drug dealer. Not sure what he = laced them with, but I’ve…

FINE= = This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and = you need to zip it. NOTH= ING= The calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be = worried. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in = fine. GO-A=…

I read an article that said someone in New York City = is stabbed every 42 seconds.I feel really sorry for = him.   ~~ I don’t = regret burning my bridges. I do = regret certain people weren’t on those bridges.   ~~ Sometimes I = question my sanity.…

A friend shared about his troubles finding a date. = “I found it unusual that all the gals I know called me = ugly until they found out how much money I had in the bank. Now = they call me ugly and poor.”   ~~ Dr Bob Griffin =…

A fellow walked into a restaurant, sat down and = started dialing numbers as if there was a telephone in his hand. He then = put his palm up against his cheek and began talking.   Suspicious, the manager walked over and told him = that he was in a…

Heavenly Father,   Help = me remember that the jerk who cut me off in traffic last night is a = single mother who worked nine hours that day and was rushing home to = cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry and spend a few precious = moments…