Grif.Net

A little boy = was ushered into the waiting room, with a bloody gash on his = head.   "What = happened?" asked the receptionist behind the desk. Crying, = the boy replied "My sister hit me with a couple of = tomatoes."   The nurse came = out and…

[With overwhelming apathy to yesterday’s = dozen “converted” measurements, you knew I would be driven = to add a dozen more] 10 cards =3D- 1  = decacards   1 trillion microphones =3D- 1 = megaphone   2000 mockingbirds =3D two kilomockingbirds =   1000 cubic centimeters of wet socks =3D…

[Here are a dozen modern terms for familiar = measurements offered to the young millennials]   2000 = pounds of Chinese soup =3D  Won  ton   1 = millionth of a mouthwash =3D  1 microscope   Time = between slipping on a peel  and smacking the pavement =3D 1 =…

People tell me = “Nothing is impossible”.  I think it is possible.  = I’ve been known to easily do nothing all = day.   I changed my = iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.   If you get = grammar in your eyes, you’ll catch = subjunctivitis.   A…

[Next week = we’ll devote a whole week of humor to my failing diet = attempts]   My new diet = consists of seven cheat days each week.   Actually, the = second day of a diet is easier than the first.  By the second day, = I’m off it.…

I’ve learned…. That everyone you meet deserves to = be greeted with a smile.    I’ve learned…. That there’s nothing sweeter than = sleeping with your babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks. =    I’ve learned…. That no one is perfect until you = fall in love with…

[Interesting (and sometimes absurd) new and old = signs seen on churches]   "Do you think ice cream is great? Just wait = until you try our Sundays!"   "We need kneeology not theology." =   "Exercise your soul, walk with God" =   "Serving Soul Food This Sunday"  and…

A woman, while = touring a small Central American country, was shown a bullfight. The = guide told her, "This is our number one = sport."   The horrified = woman said, "Isn’t that revolting?"   "No",= the guide replied. "That’s our number two = sport."   ~~ANWERS TO =…

PRESIDENTIAL QUIZ FOR THE 4th of = JULY   When Franklin Roosevelt sailed for North Africa in = 1943 to plan the invasion of Europe, he was the FOURTH President ever to = leave the United States while in office.  The other three = were: 1. 2. 3.   What…

[Actual signs in restaurants, some with my comments = added] NO WIFI. Talk to each other. Pretend it’s = 1995.   Today’s special: Nothing. Nothing is special. = You are not special. Order off the menu.  (Sounds like bad episode = with the soup Nazi)   Soup of the =…

[Turned = another page on the calendar and found another groan-up day with our = monthly offering of word-play]   A slice of Key = Lime pie in the Bahamas is $2.00, in Jamaica it’s $2.50, in Key West it = is $3.00 and $3.75 in Aruba. Evidently I’ve found…

I’ve learned…. That everyone wants to live on top = of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re = climbing it.    I’ve learned…. That money doesn’t buy class. =    I’ve learned…. That life is like a roll of toilet = paper. The closer it…

[Many = struggled with yesterday’s quiz on McDonald’s, so here are = some easier questions] 1. = What is red and smells like blue paint? Red = paint.  2. = What do you call bears with no ears? B   3. = What do you call a bear with no teeth?…