Grif.Net

In England, a tramp knocked on the door of a local inn known as = ‘St. George and the Dragon’. The landlady answered the door. =   The tramp said, “Could you give a poor man something to = eat?”   "No,” said the woman, slamming the door in his…

I’m not the = easiest guy in the world to get along with.   So when our = anniversary rolled around, I wanted my wife to know how much I = appreciated her tolerating me for the past 50 = years.   I ordered = flowers and told the florist…

She was = terribly ill for 18 months, and we’d all rushed to her bedside many = times over those tumultuous weeks.  Finally, worn out from the = months of battling illness, she told us that the time had come. = "This is too hard," she said.  "I want to…

Sue said, = “You know you’re drinking too much coffee when you go to AA = meetings just for the free coffee.”   Tim said, = “If life gives you melons, = you’re probably dyslexic.”   Ken said, = “You should never date a tennis player.  Love means nothing =…

When a new dentist set up in town he quickly acquired a reputation of = being the ‘Painless’ Dentist. However a local little girl named Gemmy = disputed his claim.   ‘He’s a fake!’ Gemmy told her friends. ‘He’s not painless at all. When = he stuck his finger in…

In a first grade class in Las Vegas, the teacher asked Mason if he = knew his numbers.   "Yes," he says, "I do. My father taught me." =   "Good. What comes after three?"   "Four," answers little Mason.   "What comes after six?"   "Seven."   "Very good,"…

While two families were waiting in line for the ferry to see the = Statue of Liberty, their two 5-year-old boys were getting acquainted. =   "My name is Joshua. What’s yours?" asked the first boy. =   "Adam," replied the second.   "My daddy is a doctor. What does…

An attorney, anxious to impress the judge with detail, asked the = following line of questions of a Medical Examiner who had recently = performed an autopsy.   Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a = pulse? A: No.   Q: Did you check for…

[While Bill = Gates and others have quoted this, it is original with Charles = Sykes.] RULE 1Life is not fair; get used to it. RULE = 2The world won’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect = you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about = yourself.…

A friend wrote about her experience at the YMCA: “I felt = like my body had gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s = permission to join a fitness club and start = exercising.   Since I’m over 70, I opted to take a beginning aerobics class…

A police dog wanted to advance in his duties, so responded to an ad = for work with the FBI.   "Well," said the personnel director, "You’ll have to = meet some strict requirements.”   First, you must type at least 60 words per minute." =   Sitting down at…

[First weekday = of the month? Yep. More puns a’comin’] An auto club = tow truck stopped beside me at a street light today and the = driver’s head was down and he was wiping away tears. I thought to = myself, "That guy’s headed for a breakdown!" Most = weight…

I stopped at a fast-food restaurant recently. I was fascinated by a = sign which offered “Fat-Free French Fries”. So I decided I = had to give them a try.   I was dismayed when the worker pulled a basket of fries from the = fryer, which was dripping with…