Grif.Net

[For the my = children and grandchildren for the new year, here are some "loosely = translated passages’ from Leviticus]   **LAWS = CONCERNING HOUSEHOLD PRINCIPLES, FOOD AND DRINK  =   &nb= sp;  Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, = and of all foods that…

[continued from = last weekend]   **Set a firm bedtime Getting enough = sleep can be one of the best things you can do for your health. Getting = a solid seven to eight hours of shut-eye boosts heart health, helps with = weight loss, improves memory, and reduces depression,…

This is a multipart message in MIME format. ——=_NextPart_000_0442_01D5C798.0341FBB0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary=”—-=_NextPart_001_0443_01D5C798.0341FBB0″ ——=_NextPart_001_0443_01D5C798.0341FBB0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=”us-ascii” Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit [Final installment of truly forgettable jokes] **What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit? A ba-na-na-na. **Your mom wasn’t happy with the Velcro she bought. Evidently, it was a total rip off. **I hear it’s…

[Everyone = needs good jokes.  Good luck finding any = here]   **I told my = son I was named after Thomas Jefferson. He said, “But dad, your = name is Bob.” I said, = “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson. Duh.” =   **Justice is a…

[Start your = fake groaning to hide your admiration for these jokes.  Some new, = some old, some even funny]   **Today, my = son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. = Eleven years = old and he still doesn’t know my name is…

This is a multipart message in MIME format. ——=_NextPart_000_028A_01D5C536.1530E750 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary=”—-=_NextPart_001_028B_01D5C536.1530E750″ ——=_NextPart_001_028B_01D5C536.1530E750 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=”us-ascii” Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Walking along the railroad track in a long tunnel . . . . . the pessimist sees only the darkness . . the optimist sees the light at the end of the…

Richard whined, “I was reading ‘A Christmas = Carol’ and dropped it on my toe.  It hurt like the = dickens.”   Wayne M reminded us, “Nature abhors a vacuum. Nature = isn’t too fond of leaf blowers either. And don’t even get = Nature started on car alarms.”  …

[Adapted from = a list by Charlotte Hilton = Andersen for Young Adults (18-30). From her suggestions, = select some to help you move beyond losing weight and hitting the gym = this year and seek to uplift, educate, entertain, and help you become a = better person.]   **Read…

This year I = also resolve to…   – Stay off the = International Space Station.   – Wait around = the house for opportunity to knock.   – Focus on the = faults of others, not myself   – Fulfill = personal goal to bring back disco.   –…

This year I = resolve to…   – Gain weight; = aim for at least 30 pounds.   – Stop = exercising; it’s waste of time.   – Read less; = it makes me think too much.   – Watch more = TV; I’ve been missing some good stuff.  …

[Since 1996 = and the first Grif Net blogs, on the first weekday of every month we = share tear-able puns/word plays. Welcome 2020] Most of my = resolutions go in one year and out the other.    Someone said, = “You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna…

When I watch = the crowd in Time Square as they “drop the ball”, it does = remind me of almost everything I did in 2019.   For everyone = who received a book from me at Christmas, just a reminder that they are = due back at the library…

[My friends Wayne and Mary may still be facing challenges = in their relationship] Mary once curtly remarked to me, "You = twist everything I say to your advantage!"I replied, "Wow, thanks for = the compliment!"   Mary suggested I should donate my brain to science after I = die. …