Grif.Net

Q. = Did you hear about the man who stole an Advent Calendar? A. = All he got was 25 days.   Q. = What did the naughty soccer announcer get from Santa Claus? A. = COOOOOOOAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!   Q. = What is a vegan’s favorite Christmas carol? A. = Soy…

Q. = What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school? A. = The elf-abet   Q. = What is Santa’s dog’s name? A. = Santa Paws   Q. = What is Santa Claus’ laundry detergent of choice? A. = Yule-Tide   Q. = How much did Santa pay for his…

Each December, = I vow to make Christmas a calm and peaceful experience. I had cut back = on nonessential obligations – extensive card writing, endless baking, = decorating, and even overspending. Yet still, I found myself exhausted, = unable to appreciate the precious family moments, and of course, the…

Just a week before Christmas, an honest politician, a = generous lawyer, and Santa Claus all got into the elevator at the Ritz = Hotel.  As they travelled from the 10th floor down to the ground = level, one-by-one each noticed a $50 bill on the elevator’s floor. =  …

With Christmas nearing, I was shopping at a toy store for = my grandson’s Lego set.  I glanced to my left and caught = sight of a queue at the doll counter; they were waiting for the shelves = to be restocked with Mattel dolls.    As I looked, I…

Thomas T = opines, “If it hurts you more than it hurts him, you may be = holding the taser wrong.”   Jason B = taught, “Since the earth is 70% water and uncarbonated, = technically the earth IS flat.”   Marilyn L = admits, “I stole Santa’s naughty list. …

Met= some fellow senior citizens sitting at the caf=E9 and talking about = their ailments:   &#8= 220;My arms are so weak I can barely HOLD a cup of coffee”, said = one.   &#8= 220;Yes, I know. And my cataracts are so bad I can’t even SEE my =…

DID YOU KNOW . = . . the first product to have a bar code was Wrigley’s = gum?   DID YOU KNOW . = . . there is no revenge so complete as = forgiveness?   DID YOU KNOW . = . . you can’t go around saying the…

God rarely = explains “WHY”.   We are = preoccupied with ‘Why’ for a number of reasons. "Why?" is a = ‘me-oriented’ question. It is not the question God is primarily = concerned to answer. He never answered it for Job. =   Table your = "Why?" long enough to…

Bill asks, = “With paper shortages, can I use coffee filters in place of toilet = paper?”Dr Bob replies, “Yes, you may, but it will change = the taste of your coffee.”   Nicki asks, = “What benefits will I see if I replace my morning coffee with = green…

[Fi= nal confessions of adulting. Unless I think of more]   I&#= 8217;m going to reveal what goes on behind closed doors. Absolutely = nothing!   I&#= 8217;m sure they are making adults much younger these days.   I&#= 8217;m in the initial stage of my golden years. SS, CD’s,…

[Fe= w more personal confessions as I age]   I&#= 8217;m wrinkled, saggy, red, and lumpy. And that’s just my left = leg.   I&#= 8217;m sure everything I can’t find is in a secure = place.   I&#= 8217;m awake many hours before my body allows me to get…

I&#= 8217;m the life of the party… even when it lasts until 8 = p.m.   I&#= 8217;m very good at opening childproof caps . . . with a = hammer.   I&#= 8217;m usually interested in going home before I get to where I am = going.   I&#=…