Daily Humor

Math puns are = the first sine of madness. ~~An = abacus is one tool that you can always count on. ~~I was = kicked out of math class for one too many infractions. = ~~I didn’t = understand the math, so the teacher summed it up for me. =…

Resolved: Try one of these ideas on your friends or = co-workers this new year and see if they don’t treat you = differently . . .   1) At = lunch time, sit in your parked car w/sunglasses on and point a hair = dryer at passing cars. See…

When Noah opened the doors of the Ark after the = flood, all living creatures dashed to freedom. Only two snakes remained = behind in an unlighted corner.   Harshly, Noah commanded, "Why don’t you go = forth and multiply as God said?"   One = replied, "We can’t. We’re…

[A Dieter’s Psalm for the New Year.  My wife = the naturopath AND my MD gave me a joint order to START back on diet and = get rid of the belly fat I’ve garnered since Halloween. MD sent me = for an ultra-sound Monday to same tech who does…

[Julie = Prince compiled this amazingly-accurate list.] Sometimes = it’s inevitable in life. No matter how hard we try to avoid it or how = much we swore it never would happen, out comes our parents! We find = ourselves saying exactly what they said to us when we were…

&= #8220;Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, whispering, = ‘It will be happier.’ (Alfred, Lord = Tennyson)   &= #8220;The new year stands before = us, like a chapter in a book, waiting to be written. We can help write = that story by setting goals.”…

[Yeah, I hear you groan and whine month after month. But you still read these awful puns. And LOVE them.] I just heard that a radical segment of the woodworkers union broke off and formed a splinter group. Sign at a Wyoming nudist camp: “Sorry – Clothed for Winter” Geologists…

1= 0. Hardee’s/Carl’s Jr — Where our identity crisis is the = star. 9= . McDonald’s — New cooler coffee (on many levels). 8= . Starbucks — Now with 0.9% financing on the new Quad = Macchiato. 7= . KFC — We’re NOT a rap group.6= . 5 Guys –…

[Ken and others shared some troubling signs = that scientists have gone too far with genetically modified = food:] Your hot dog just got its own ketchup and = relish from the fridge . . . You spot the tell-tale signs of a primitive = central nervous system in your…

In a convent  in Ireland , the 98-year-old Mother = Superior lay dying. The nuns gathered around  her bed trying to = make her last journey comfortable. They tried  giving her warm milk = to drink but she refused it.   One of the =  nuns took the glass back…

[Micah shared this tale and = deserves credit and/or blame] Last December, an avid hunter = in England shot the biggest buck of his life. He was mighty proud of his = feat, and he decided to give his buck to the girl for whom he had a = great…

[Here are delightful quotations to help us = appreciate and reflect on Christmas we just enjoyed = yesterday:]   "The best of all gifts around any Christmas = tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each = other."   "I wish we could put up some…

Today in the town of David a Savior has been born = to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You = will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” — = Luke 2:10-12   The night that =…