Daily Humor

A second grader came home from school and said to = her mother, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies = today."   The = mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. = "That’s interesting," she said. "How do you make = babies?"  …

Two elderly ladies met at the laundromat after not = seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other’s = health, one asked how the other’s husband was doing.   "Oh! = Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up some carrots for…

A group of university = alumni, well established in their careers, were talking at their reunion = and decided to go visit their old university professor, now = retired.  During their visit the conversation soon turned into = complaints about stress in their work and lives.   Offering his guests…

911 Operator: = "What is your emergency?" Guy: = "My mother-in-law just got bitten by a = snake." Operator: = "Ok, you need to suck the poison out." Guy = [whispering]: "Dude, there’ll be nothing left of = her."   [Thanks, = Pastor M, for the smile today. And we…

Tom walked into = his boss’ office and told him, "Sir, I know things aren’t going the = best around here but I have three companies that have contacted me = recently. I would like a raise." His boss agreed = and after debating the amount for a while they…

[First of the month dose of puns just for = ewe.]   Evidently our Ambassadors never get sick because they = have diplomatic immunity.   Pencils = could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the = point?   The Hand family consists of 10 electricians.…

[ML forwarded = this sage advice to male readers]   Five rules = governing male behavior toward the allegedly weaker = sex:   1. Never make = a woman mad. They can remember stuff that hasn’t even happened = yet.   2. Behind = every angry woman stands a man…

A = man called a financial planning agent, seeking some advice and = direction.   &qu= ot;Hello.  My name is Ben.  I’d like to invest some = money."   &qu= ot;Well, hello Ben. This is Mike.  I would be happy to meet you to = discuss sound financial planning.  You…

One day, I decided = to quit. I wanted to quit my job, to quit my relationships, to quit my = marriage, to quit my spirituality; I even wanted to quit my life. I went = to the woods to have one last talk with God. "God," I said, =…

The Governor = of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail when suddenly = a coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.   #1. The = Governor starts to intervene, reflects upon the movie "Bambi" = and realizes he should stop; the coyote is only doing what…

Each of the following well known proverbs has a key = word CHANGED to something totally unrelated, but I found these often = made the adage funny or pointed.  Time to laugh as you discover = each error.  And maybe you could suggest BETTER “wrong” = words to plug into…

Hours on your cell phone make you = tired? Now there’s a nap for that.   I thought = the dryer shrunk my clothes.  Turns out it was the = refrigerator.   Line dancing was originally invented by women waiting to use = the bathroom.   I try to find…

[My  neighbor Scott here in town forwarded = these variations on a familiar song. You may opt to sing, not read, = these lines in your best Dean Martin = impression.] When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza = pieThat’s amore. When an eel bites your hand…