Daily Humor

If you call for reservations at the library, they may = be all booked up.   I = don’t normally judge people, but if you dress your dog in human = clothes, I will judge you.   If = you’re making plans to survive the end of the world, you…

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to = beat.   Never attend a theatrical performance about puns. = It’s just a play on words .   A good = farmer is outstanding in his field.   Every = calendar’s days are numbered.   You should = fire your…

It takes a = disciplined spirit to endure the monastery on Mount Serat in Spain. One = of the fundamental requirements of this religious order is that the = young men must maintain silence. Opportunities to speak are scheduled = once every two years, at which time they are allowed…

A game warden = noticed how old Bud consistently caught more fish than anyone else. = Other guys would only catch three or four a day, but Bud would come in = off the lake with a boat full. Stringer after stringer was always packed = with freshly caught bass.…

[Observations and quotations about the foibles of = the English language] “I like the word ‘indolence.’ It = makes my laziness seem classy.” “The quantity of consonants in the English = language is constant. If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. = When a Bostonian ‘pahks’ his ‘cah,’ the…

Jeremy was born with a twisted = body and a slow mind. At the age of 12 he was still in second grade, = seemingly unable to learn. His teacher, Doris Miller, often became = exasperated with him. He would squirm in his seat, drool and make = grunting noises.…

[Pithy, = non-taxable statements about paying our income taxes] People who = save their money for a rainy day end up getting soaked by the = government.   Taxation is a = bizarre system in which you spend money, save receipts, and somehow = supposed to come out ahead.  …

[Overheard at the = water cooler during our week of jokes about = taxes] "I put = all my investment money into taxes.  They’re the only thing that’s = sure to go up!"   "The = Government says we should be proud to be paying taxes.  I think I =…

[Continuing our week of random = ‘laugh-or-you’ll-cry’ jokes about = taxes]   My retirement advisor shared = some ideas. "The upside of what I’m proposing is a huge profit. The = downside may result in 800 hours of community service."   America = is a land of untold wealth. Most…

[Another episode of taxes = – Q&A]   Q: How are an apple and a = I.R.S. auditor alike?A: They both look good hanging from a tree. = Q: What’s the difference between an IRS worker and a carp? = A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other…

[A week of random = ‘you-have-to-laugh-or-you’ll-cry-jokes’ about = taxes]   If a politician and an IRS = agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you = go to lunch or read the newspaper?   Tax Day is the = day that ordinary Americans send…

The six most = important words: “I admit that I was = wrong.”   The five most = important words: “You did a great = job.”   The four most = important words: “What do you = think?”   The three = most important words: “Could you please . .…

In = addition to our “old words/phrases” of the past couple days = we see a different side of language from Canada. “Yanks must be = pretty confused when we tell them that a Coffee Crisp costs about a = Loonie, pretty good deal eh? Or, I’d like a dozen…